I've Discovered. . .

• Waiting until you're almost out of diapers and then ordering overnight delivery is a risk
• Changing dirty pull-ups is not easy (should've ordered those diapers a wee bit earlier)
• Having a list of projects to do while pregnant makes me very happy
• Waiting patiently for hubby to finish one project so "we" can work on another is not my strength
• I should never attempt to teach math while hungry
• I should never attempt to do anything while hungry (other than fix something to eat)
• Plantains should be black and ugly before frying them
• Fried plantains make me very happy
• School days are so much easier for me than breaks. I need structure.
• This and this make teaching multiplication & division so much easier. Love it!

Training Children How to Clean

Now that we've talked about tidying up, let's talk about the harder job: cleaning. What works for one doesn't work for the other. In my experience, (speaking of children-in-training here) if I help them tidy up, they'll just pretend to be tidying while I do most of the work. But if I help them clean, they are motivated and enjoy doing it.

There is a window of time when the children are little that they want to help you clean. Seize it! Having less than shiny floors is well worth having a child who wants to mop them.
I suggest having two brooms, two mops, two dusters, etc, so that you can work right along side your little one in training. Wet your mops, then show little Suzy how you wring it out. (Not that she'll be doing it herself at this young age, but she should know anyway.) Then show her how you mop backwards (you pull a mop towards you, rather than pushing like when you vacuum). After she's got the hang of it, stand back and praise her while she does it herself for awhile. Then join her again to finish up the job.
Keep up this method for several weeks or months, until she's got it and you can trust her to do a good job.
In the Clark house, we rotate chores annually. My goal is proficiency. Last year, Daniel gathered up all the trash cans and returned them, and Isaac took out the trash. This year, Isaac and Daniel passed the baton to Chloe and Lydia. I didn't have to train Chloe and Lydia how to do the job. Isaac and Daniel taught them. Ditto that for all the chores that were passed onto another child. My job just keeps getting easier and easier!
The time you invest teaching your children how to clean will pay big dividends. I recently encouraged my kids: You guys are so blessed that you already know how to clean a house well. I didn't figure all that out until I was in high school. It's not fun to learn it then!

Training Littles How to Tidy

Children are not born knowing how to tidy up a room. Don't laugh; that was a revelation for me when I only had littles!

I noticed something when I told my kids to tidy up: they would look around at all the mess and have no idea where to start. So I taught them.

Try this:

Take them to their bedroom and plop yourself on their bed. Then tell them, "You put away all the books and you put away all the shoes." When they finish, they'll probably stand in front of you, silently asking: "What next?" So tell them.

"Now, you straighten up the books and you put the dirty clothes in the laundry basket." (The more kids in a room, the faster this goes. ;) )

Keep telling them what items to put away until the room is clean. Plan to sit on the bed and do the same thing every day for a week or two. Try to avoid a sarcastic tone that says: Good heavens, aren't you picking up on the pattern yet?

No, no, that won't help. (I'm ashamed to admit how I know this.)

After awhile of you training them to break down a room into parts, they are no longer overwhelmed by the huge mess, because they know how to tidy it up! Once you see that they are consistently doing it on their own (which you know because you're still supervising them), then move onto another room for new training.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Colossians 3:23-24

Teach Them Diligently

Kyle and I have been watching this Food Network show that teaches the worst home cooks how to be fabulous home cooks. As it turns out, their family and friends nominate them as the worst cooks. How humbling!

So, the show starts off with each of these culinary dunces explaining why they're so awful in the kitchen. Really it all boils down to one thing: they were never taught. One young lady said:

I'm well-educated. I went to college for four years. I got my degree. But somehow I never learned how to cook.

I thought she summed up the problem very well. How many of us were prepared to write research papers, could type well, knew how to give a presentation, but had no idea how to plan a menu when we married?

(Raising my hand)

As moms, it is our job to teach our children how to cook. Do your children know the names of the vegetables you consistently cook with? Do they know how to use spices and herbs? Do they know how to read a recipe?

It's our privilege to teach our children these things.

Schools prepare children for academics. That's not enough! As moms, we need to prepare our children for life.

Interesting Comment

I don't generally publish anonymous comments, but this one was so tactful, I thought it deserved a response. This comment was a response to my blog post: Trying to Relate.

The thing I have the most trouble with families who have these beliefs about homemaking and woman's place in the home and all- it JUST so happens that ALL your children "want" to be housewives and ALL happen to be "domestically gifted". I am willing to bet in 3 years, you will be saying the same about Chloe and Elena. The Duggar family says the same thing- that every single girl has no other desire in life than to be a mother and stay at home all day.

While fine, I can believe a few of them may actually want to, the thing is- of course that's all these girls "want" to do. It's the only thing modeled and beaten into their heads from a young age. Do you expose your girls to other options besides baking, sewing, and taking care of Julia? Do they know that women can be teachers (in a real school), doctors, nurses, lawyers, therapists, office workers, CEOs, business managers, and a whole slew of other careers? Or do you tell them this, but then add on "but only feminists do work outside the home and that's bad"?

I'm not trying to say that homemaking is a bad thing. I'm saying that from what I've observed from reading blogs of families similar to yours, there is a strange trend of parents claiming that "all" their daughters want to do is be homemakers, and that is awfully strange and coincidental. I'm questioning if this is something they REALLY want to do or have they been brainwashed by biased parents?

Also, Maya is 13. 13 year olds change their minds every day so if she's 16 and saying she wants to go to college, please don't try and prevent her from going. Isn't Pedro in college? You didn't try and keep him back, did you?

I know you won't publish this, but i would not be upset if you replied to my email address- (removed for her protection)

Michelle,

I appreciate your perspective. The truth is: all children follow in the footsteps of their role models. The Bible states this.

"A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher." Luke 6:40

Children in public schools are fed a consistent diet of evolutionism. It is no surprise that the overwhelming majority of them grow up defending evolution to the death, whether they can explain their beliefs or not. I don't think that's strange or coincidental. They are only learning what they have been taught.

If I paid to have my children in Catholic school, I would expect them to hear only the Catholic viewpoint. I wouldn't think it strange or coincidental.

When Planned Parenthood comes to my child's public school, I would expect my children to learn about contraception, not the blessing of children or the choice of abstinence. It would be foolish of me to think otherwise, given Planned Parenthood's clearly stated beliefs.

Unless children disrespect their teachers, they will learn and value what they've been taught. Children of feminists grow up to be feminists. Daughters of embittered single women grow up distrusting men. You may call it brain-washing if you like, but it's a fact of life.

I grew up with a working mother, so it's not surprising that I grew up planning to be a career woman. I worked all through graduate school and for 9 years following. I hope that my daughters will not choose the same, but will raise their own children. I pray that they see the eternal value in it. There is no eternal value in a successful career.

My daughters do know that women can be lawyers, doctors, therapists (I was one), and lucrative business owners. They've seen it. But they've also figured out that those women either miss out on the blessing of children, or they miss out on raising them, while they're away all day working. I haven't had to tell them this. They see it for themselves. Because I treat them as the blessings they are to me, they also view children as a blessing and desire them.

The reason I train my daughters in homemaking skills is out of obedience to God’s Word:

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. ~Titus 2:3-5

Of all my girls, Maya alone is domestically-gifted. She is passionate about a clean house, she loves to cook and bake, and she asks to take care of her baby sister. I highly doubt I will be able to say that about all my daughters. I myself am not domestically-gifted. I cook because I eat. I am learning to bake, but I prefer to buy sweets. I clean because I hate a dirty house.

But I am not a homemaker because I’m especially skilled for the job, or have the patience of a saint. I am a homemaker because I desire to obey God’s commands, because I love Him.

For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. ~1 John 5:3

Like I said in the comments of that blog post, Maya wants to learn photography. If she maintains that desire, she will absolutely be going to college to take the classes. We encourage her in this because photography is a hobby that can make good money, but doesn't have to detract from the joy and blessing of motherhood.

You impressed me, Michelle, with your ability to express your viewpoint calmly. A rare trait indeed! :)

Blessings,

Teaching Children to Think, Part 2

Part 1 here.

Here's how I "micro-manage" my kids:

I don't wait around for them to forget to do something. In the beginning, I tell them what to do. I'll say: "I'm making dinner. Ya'll set the table." Or, "We're leaving in 10 minutes. Everyone should be dressed to the shoes with teeth brushed." Or, "Dinner's over now. Let's do our table chores."

I do this for months. These are not new things. We always do these things. It's just that now I'm spelling everything out. I'm not expecting them to think of any of it on their own. Expecting it just gives me opportunity to be frustrated and criticize my precious kids.

After several months of this, I switch to asking questions. "I'm cooking dinner. What do you all need to do, so we can eat?", "Now that your laundry is dry, what should you do next?", "What are your chores today? What do you need to do next?"

My life has gotten easier, not harder. Life runs more smoothly. And my kids have many opportunities to be praised, not criticized. What a concept!

Teaching Children to Think, Part 1

Children aren't born knowing how to think. I used to think: Hey, they have a brain. Why don't they use the thing? We clean our dishes after every meal every day, why do I have to remind them to do it?

I own a basin wrench. That doesn't mean I know how to use it.

We've been stripping cabinets and repainting them. We have a trash can in the garage to collect all the dirty paper towels and such. Daniel's job is to collect trash cans. He came into the garage, where I was priming cabinet doors, to get the trash can. He left the door open and Misha made a mad dash for freedom. I yelled: Grab Misha! She can't be out here!

Daniel, with hands around the trash can, panicked. "I can't!"

He couldn't figure out how in the world to get Misha when his hands were full.

I used to think I shouldn't have to micro-manage my kids. They know what we do every day. They know what's expected. They should just do it. Micro-managing would make my life harder, I reasoned.

I was wrong. I was forever frustrated with all the things they forgot. And then I started to see all the times I left my plate on the table. Or got sidetracked and left my pajamas on the floor while I ran downstairs to do something "urgent". And I started micro-managing my kids.

Part 2 here.

Table Chores

Every morning after breakfast, we

• wash our breakfast dishes
• clear the table
• take the placemats outside and shake crumbs off
• sweep off the table w/ a hand broom
• wipe down the table

Then we do seatwork at the table. After lunch, we

• throw away our paper plates (it's a lunch thing) & wash forks if used
• sweep the kitchen and dining room (each child has their own day)
• take the placemats outside and shake crumbs off
• return placemats to the table

The remainder of schooling happens on couches, beds, floors, and outside. No tables needed.

After dinner, we

• wash our dishes
• take the placemats outside and shake crumbs off
• 1 child puts away leftovers; 1 child washes pots & pans (typically only my beloved crock-pot); the rest of the kids put away clean dishes and tidy up the rest of the kitchen

Going Places

It took me way too long to realize this, but I have finally come to the conclusion that we can't get all (and by all, I mean "any") our school work done on the days we go places. For instance, when we plan to go to the aquarium at 10am, I shouldn't attempt to get math done beforehand.

This summer, we completely missed out on going to our beloved church library because we were too busy schooling. It never occurred to me to reschedule our day around the library's schedule (only open 9-noon two days a week).

Well, it finally did! We now do Bible over breakfast and that's it before our outing. The only thing the kids have to do is clean up their dishes, get dressed, and brush their teeth. Chores will happen later. School will happen later, if we get to it.

With low expectations come plenty of opportunities to praise and much less stress!

How to Do Less Laundry

Laundry seems to be a hot topic when it comes to big families, but we don't do a ton of laundry and I don't spend a bunch of money or time on it. Here's why:

1. We don't separate loads into white, dark, colors. We wash all our clothes in cold water. Nothing bleeds.
2. Everybody has their own color-coded towel that we use for a week before washing them all together in one load. We wash towels in hot water.
3. Once a week, we strip all the beds and wash the sheets in hot water. Linens are the only thing we wash in hot water. (The kids don't have flat sheets, just fitted sheets and a blanket. Blankets are washed on an as-needed basis.)
4. We only wash clothes that are dirty or sweaty.
5. We have a laundry schedule:

I wash hubby's and my laundry on Mondays. 2 loads - our clothes & our sheets.

Girls wash their clothes on Tuesdays. 1-2 loads. (5 girls)

Boys wash their clothes on Wednesdays. 1 load. (2 boys)

Kids wash their sheets & towels on Thursdays. 1-2 loads.

I wash baby clothes & sheets on Fridays. (1 load)

I absolutely refuse to do laundry on the weekends. Weekends are for fun!

5-10 Fling

Once a week, I get an email reminder telling me to have the kids do a 5-10 fling. They each get two grocery bags, one in each hand. One bag is for 5 things to give away; one bag is for 10 things to throw away. And while they're on a mad hunt for things to part with, I do the same. I hate clutter and this has been a great solution.

The other way I get rid of clutter is by collecting all the trash in the car whenever I get gas. (And believe me, we collect plenty. And by "we", I mean them.) I keep a little bag for trash in the car, but I don't usually go digging for it in the kids area of the van. I let them do that. So, while gas is pumping into the van, we're all throwing out all the little bits of trash that seem to come out of nowhere.
What do you do to live clutter-free? (or clutter-less)

A New Laundry Inductee

As you know, all the kids do chores. We've had to change up the chore system since Pedro left, so I recently sat the kids down and told them:
Chores are not just for big kids anymore! It's time Daniel and Lydia did their part! We're all grateful for all your dishwasher duties, but it's time you stepped up to more responsibility!! No more playing around while everyone else dusts and vacuums! No more sitting idly by while your laundry is folded and put away for you! You're 3 1/2 now! Act your age!
And as for you big kids, I know what you're up to! No doing their job for them because you feel sorry for them! No taking over because you want it done faster! These babies gotta learn and you're gonna help them! So stop helping them!

So, after the big girls had washed their clothes, Lydia took them out of the dryer.

Some things are way back there, but she's not afraid! She dove right in there to grab those orphan socks and unmentionables.

Did you get it all Lydia?
Wait I see one more! Go get it, girl!

Tada! No more runaway panties! Liddy's on laundry duty now.
She drug the basket to the den for folding. Which she supervised. Because she's too little to fold clothes.

But she did hang up all her clothes. So leave me alone! She's the baby. I'll teach her how to fold next week.

Just Toss It!

A common issue among big families is how to deal with all the STUFF! It starts with this:

And quickly leads to this:

A friend, who also has a big family, asked me:

How do you manage toys and things they get for birthdays? The toy wars are driving me crazy, and I put them all away because no one could play nicely.

I said:

By "put them all away," I hope you mean "give them all away". Toys are a dime a dozen. They are so easy to obtain in my opinion that it isn't worth the stress they cause to hang onto them.
We have a rule that helps a lot: If it isn't put away, I get to do with it whatever I want. That means either giving it to charity or throwing it away.
Speaking of that, for all their gobs of papers: I gave each of the kids a notebook. If I find coloring pages lying around (not in the notebook), I toss em. They know I will do this. Same rule as the toys.

I absolutely love throwing stuff out (for charity or for trash) --fastest way to clean up!

Not to say that we don't have toys. We have plenty. Although not near as many as several families I know who have half as many kids. But I only keep the toys that are manageable. If they become a burden, I toss 'em with no regrets.

Multi-Tasking

Women multi-task. Men compartmentalize. There's a book I've heard good things about but never read called Men are Waffles, Women are Spaghetti. Humorous title but accurate analogy. Sometimes I wish I could close windows in my mind, but I'm generally thinking about 5-6 things at a time. It can be a real curse come bedtime.

Here, Elena is stirring pasta with her left hand and quickly shaking the pot of popcorn with her right hand. "Look at me, Mom, I'm cooking just like the mom in Love Comes Softly when she learns how to cook well, " she exclaimed.

She's a mommy in training and she knows it. She's so proud of herself!

Team Tidy

I took the kids to a Homeschool Park Day a few days ago with a friend of mine and her kids. I met several other moms that are in the same homeschool association. One of the moms recognized my name from the newsletter articles she had read of mine. She told her friend: She's the Delegator Mom!
Oh my! Is that really the legacy I want to leave? HA!
When it comes to getting the house tidied up before hubby comes home from work, this Delegator Mom gets down to business. I give everybody their own specific job:

Chloe, you're in charge of books. Make sure all the library books are in the crate and all our books are on the shelf.

Isaac, you're in charge of shoes. Get all these shoes out of the den and in their closets.

Maya, I need you to tidy up the dining room. You're so good at the details.

Daniel, you help Maya. You're the pencil man. Look for all the pencils and crayons and put them away.

Elena, you're in charge of the dishes. Empty the dish drainer and make sure there's no dirty dishes anywhere.

Lydia, you come with me and we'll pretty ourselves up for Daddy. I'll fix your hair after I get myself looking better.

When we get home from the grocery store (and no, I don't take everyone. This is quality time. One kid comes with me), everybody gets their own job to get all the groceries put away in record time. (Not that I'm timing it or anything, but I'm not above it!)
Isaac is the can man. He puts away all the stuff that belongs in the "big pantry". Maya puts away the produce, because I can trust her with it. Chloe puts away the meats and cheeses. Daniel puts away all the grocery bags. Elena puts away anything that goes in the "little pantry". I put away the snack foods because they don't need to know where I store that stuff.

By the way, when I only had two kids, I used this method to teach them how to clean up their rooms. I would sit on their bed and say: First, put away all the books. Now, put away all the shoes. Ad nauseum until it's all tidied up. This taught the kids how to break down an overwhelming task into manageable bits.

Getting It All Done, Part 2

My friend Beth was kind enough to remind me that I never did follow through on Part Two of "Getting It All Done". I do that a lot, sorry! I had promised you all our chore chart and here it is: Daily Chores
And so you'll know what that actually looks like, I took pictures of all of us doing our chores on Friday:
Elena swept the dining room and entry way.
Maya swept the kitchen and den.
Isaac swept the front porch and sidewalk. (I have no idea what's up with the Aunt Jemima thing he's got goin' on.)
I was washing sheets and towels.
(I think Pedro produces way too much laundry for one week. What do you think??)
Elena wanted more camera time, so she found more work to do on her own. Whatever motivates you, honey. I'll take pictures of you all day long if you wanna clean the house top to bottom!
After the girls swept, Isaac mopped the kitchen and den and Chloe mopped the dining room and entry way.
Daniel and Lydia unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. It makes them feel so important when I ask them to do this. They are my most willing workers.

Getting It All Done, Part 1

Somebody asked how I get it all done: homeschooling, homemaking, cooking, scrapbooking, and blogging. The simple answer is: I don't. I have seven helpers, five of whom are a significant help. I have three goals Monday-Friday:

1. Get school done
2. Get chores done
3. Make dinner

If I get those three things done, I've had a successful day. I have to make my list short because I'm all about productivity. Checking things off a list makes me very happy. The more things I get done, the happier I'll be. However, if my expectations are too high, I'll kill myself trying. That's just me.

To get it all done, I use a loose schedule. I can't do half-hour by half-hour schedules, they wear me out and don't work for me. Instead, I have a list of things I need to get done by a certain time. This has worked great for us.

Here's our weekly schedule:

Monday/Wednesday

8:ish	Breakfast & Bible Study
	Aesop’s Fable or Poetry
	Math – Maya & Elena	Lydia plays w/ I & C
	Phonics rotation	Lydia plays w/ 3 kids
	Chores & Dinner prep
11:00	Outdoor Time/ Errands
12:00	LUNCH
	Literature & Rug time	Daniel & Lydia nap
	Quiet Time	Daniel & Lydia nap
4:30	Outdoor Time/ Toy Time
5:00	Tidy-up Time

Tuesday/Thursday

8:ish	Breakfast & Bible Study
	History/ Geography
	Math – Isaac & Chloe	Lydia plays w/ M& E
	Phonics rotation	Lydia plays w/ 3 kids
	Chores & Dinner prep
11:00	Outdoor Time/ Errands
12:00	LUNCH
	Literature & Rug time	Daniel & Lydia nap
	Quiet Time	Daniel & Lydia nap
4:30	Outdoor Time/ Toy Time
5:00	Tidy-up Time

Fridays, we have homeschool co-op all morning. The schedule picks up at naptime on those days.

* The phonics rotation and rug time are explained here.

We do a college-type schedule. I can't do the same thing everyday. I'd go nuts. I like change. So instead of doing a single page of Math everyday, we do half the lesson (3 pages) per day.

Daniel is my little tomato, he stays with me while I do the math and phonics rotations. (The big kids can handle Lydia, but Daniel is too fast and too impulsive. He needs my constant watchful eye to stay out of trouble. Tomato-staking is working wonders with him.)

I read, nap, or blog during quiet time.

I'll explain our chores in another post.

The "Me Time" Myth

A good friend wrote this encouraging article, which was recently published on the Ladies Against Feminism website. "Me Time" is a myth. It is an unattainable, always interruptible, never satisfactional piece of junk psychology. Me Time, by its very name, suggests that who we are during the daily grind is not WHO we truly are. It tells us that we are someone other than "WIFE" or "MOTHER." It begs us to search for fulfillment outside of those titles. It blames precious little ones and God-given spouses for suppressing us. It points out a perceived "hole" in your world that needs to be filled, a tank that must be fueled up, a monster that will swallow you lest you neglect to feed it precious Me Time. But, it will never be enough.

Read more here.

Encouragement for Wives

In a chapter titled, "So Show Me What a Keeper at Home Really Looks Like!", author Jennie Chancey tells this great story about her greatest heroine, her mom:

My mother once participated in a Bible study with several older women. These women were quite liberal in their beliefs and insisted all those teachings in Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 were purely cultural and time bound and didn't apply to modern-day Christians. Mom quietly disagreed, stating that true freedom only comes from submission--to God first, then to a husband. Jaws dropped all around the room, and one attendee burst out, "Why, Bettie! You're the most liberated woman I've ever known! Just look at all the things you've done!" My mother smiled and looked around at the shaking heads and shocked expressions. "That's just the point," she replied. "Submission is the freedom to be creative under a God-given authority! Submitting to my husband does not stifle my gifts; it puts them to their best use. My husband wisely directs the projects I undertake in the home and helps me to see when I am taking on too much. He knows my talents and can often tell me how best to use them." Heads continued to shake around the room. One after another, these older women confessed frustration with their "equal" marriages and marveled at my mother's contentment and joy as a submitted wife.

~Passionate Housewives Desperate For God, pgs. 164-165

My Littlest Helper

Chloe is usually my Sous Chef when it comes to baking, but lately Lydia has shown a real interest in helping me in the kitchen. Tonight, we're having one of my favorite meals: Gingerbread Waffles. Yum-o! Lydia poured all the ingredients in and would ask, "What's that?:" and then would repeat me: "Flour, cinn'un, nutegg, baby powder (baking powder). . ."


She licked every drop of molasses off the tablespoon. Then she got a big kick out of seeing her messy self in the mirror. I still called Chloe in when it came time for the eggs. She's the eggspert. (pathetic, I know.)