25 Ways to Provoke Your Child to Anger

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1. Lack of Marital Harmony (Genesis 2:24 and Hebrews 12:15)

2. Establishing and Maintaining a Child-Centered Home (Proverbs 29:15)
3. Modeling Sinful Anger (Proverbs 22:24-25)

4. Habitually Disciplining While Angry (Psalm 38:1)
5. Scolding (Ephesians 4:26-27)
6. Being Inconsistent with Discipline (2 Corinthians 1:17-18)
7. Having Double Standards (Philippians 4:9)
8. Being Legalistic (Matthew 15:8-9)
9. Not Admitting You are Wrong and Asking for Forgiveness (Matthew 5:23-24)
10. Constantly Finding Fault (Job 32:2-3)
11. Parent’s Reversing God-Given Roles (Ephesians 5:22-24)
12. Not Listening to Your Child’s Opinion or Taking His or Her “Side to the Story” Seriously (Proverbs 18:3 & 17)
13. Comparing Them to Others ( 2 Corinthians 10:12)
14. Not Making Time “Just to Talk” (James 1:19)
15. Not Praising or Encouraging Your Child (Revelation 2:2-4)
16. Failing to Keep Your Promises (Matthew 5:37)
17. Chastening In Front of Others (Matthew 18:15)
18. Not Allowing Enough Freedom (James 3:17)
19. Allowing Too Much Freedom (Proverbs 29:15)
20. Mocking Your Child (Job 17:1-2)
21. Abusing Them Physically (1 Timothy 3:3)
22. Ridiculing or Name Calling (Ephesians 4:29)
23. Unrealistic Expectations (1 Corinthians 13:11)
24. Practicing Favoritism (Luke 15:25-30)
25. Child Training With Worldly Methodologies Inconsistent With God’s Word (Ephesians 6:4)

(Credit to RaisingGodlyChildren.org.)

WWJD re: Homeschooling? Part 3

The false and dangerous notion that a public school education is actually "neutral" ought to be silenced by the plentiful research showing that government schools are in inculcating about 9 out of 10 children to think like Marxist-socialists. Dr. R.C. Sproul reminds us, "There is no such thing as a neutral education. Every education curriculum has a controlling worldview behind it and through it." The curriculum in our public schools is far from being neutral.

Parents, may we learn from the Teacher and obediently embrace His model and method for training the disciples God has placed under our roofs. When Jesus taught His closest disciples, they often sat at His feet (Luke 10:39). When it comes to parenting, the most effective and positive life-changing teaching happens at our own feet. By sending them away for 180 days a year, someone else takes over the privilege of teaching, modeling and investing about 1,100 hours per year into your children's lives.

Jesus knew that the best way to train His "children" to become what He wanted them to be was to live with them, love them, sacrifice for them, model the godly life and invest His life into theirs. This all happens within the context of the family. Dr. Voddie Baucham's words are a good reminder to us all of this fact: "God has designed your family – not the youth group, not the children's ministry, not the Christian school, but your family – as the principle discipling agent in your children's lives. "

The question is not What Would Jesus Do with His "children"? But what did Jesus do with His "children." He homeschooled them.

See full article here.

WWJD re: Homeschooling? Part 2

Jesus, the master Teacher, certainly taught His disciples formally, but they also shared life experiences, traveling and breaking bread for a number of years together. He mentored them, modeled how to truly walk with God and ultimately trained them to be launched into the world for His glory. He encouraged them, He disciplined them, He rebuked them, and He loved them. Jesus invested His life into theirs and certainly did not send His "children" away to others for their education but "kept them" and "guarded them" (John 17:12) until it was time to send them into the world.

In a very real sense, Jesus homeschooled His apostles. Christian homeschooling looks a lot like how Jesus trained His own, and His "children" eventually went on to "turn the world upside down" (Acts 17:6)!

Today many Christian parents are waking up to the fact that no one can do a better job in training and discipling their children than they can. Just like Jesus, most Christian homeschooling parents are teaching their own, mentoring their own, spending quality time with their own, literally pouring their lives into their kids, instead of subcontracting virtual strangers to teach their precious children.

Jesus teaches us that truly effective discipling and training is done one-on-one, and it takes time and much sacrifice. Recent studies prove that Jesus' style of teaching is by far the most effective of any method, and the positive results are the proof. Dr. Brian Ray's research with thousands who were home-educated and now adults shows that less than 4 percent of homeschooled youth disown their faith by the time they reach their first year of college. This is literally the exact opposite of all the sobering research showing an approximate 90 percent rate of children from Christian families leaving the church by age 18. What a difference godly discipling makes!

This puts to rest the salt-and-light argument that many uninformed Christian parents use as an excuse to keep their kids in public schools. The overwhelming majority of children from Christian homes are being converted to an unbiblical worldview in the public school arena.

WWJD re: Homeschooling? Part 1

The Bible teaches us,

"Whoever says he abides in him [Jesus] ought to walk in the same way in which He walked" (1 John 2:6)

and

"Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ" (1 Corinthians 11:1)

Sixteenth-century pastor John Calvin referred to Jesus as the "Grand Model" for all Christians to follow and learn from. Jesus modeled so much for us during his earthly ministry. For example, He modeled how to pray, how to handle temptation, how to speak the truth in love, how to stand against evil, and how to really train and disciple others.

Christian parents should look at Jesus' life as the perfect example of how parents should train, teach and love their own little disciples – their children. It is interesting to note that Jesus, on occasion, publicly called His disciples "children" (Mark 10:24). Eighteenth-century Bible commentator John Gill noted "it was common with the Jews to call [their] disciples … 'children.'" When reading the gospels we get an intimate view of how Jesus discipled and loved His own "children."

Teaching – Jesus is the supreme "good Teacher" (Luke 18:18).

• He taught His disciples daily (Luke 19:47);
• He traveled all over the region with His disciples as they watched Him teach others (Luke 23:5);
• other religious leaders recognized that Jesus was a teacher sent by God (John 3:2);
• Jesus' apostles acknowledged that His teachings were the words of eternal life (John 6:68);
• Jesus acknowledged He was their Lord and Teacher (John 13:14);
• and even immediately after Jesus' physical resurrection, some of His followers continued to call him Teacher (John 20:16).

We see in Jesus' method of discipling three primary things: teaching, mentoring, and investment of time.

Mentoring – Jesus' teaching style was far more than just talk and passing on "head knowledge"; He lived the life for them to see and follow. His disciples saw Jesus often go away to pray on His own, which prompted them to ask how they, too, should pray (Luke 11:1). His apostles saw Jesus heal the sick, cast out demons, raise the dead and preach the gospel. Later, after years of pouring His life into them, Jesus then confidently sent them on the "Great Commission" (Matthew 28:16-20).

Time Investment – The disciples did not take a class with Jesus, nor did they spend a mere semester under Jesus' training; rather, they spent about three and a half years with Jesus, with no spring or summer breaks, no Christmas vacations. This was a 24-hour/365-day-a-year "course" taught by the greatest Teacher this world has ever known. Jesus knew that you had to devote quality time with people to really make a powerful impact on their lives. Dr. John MacArthur points out in his book "Twelve Ordinary Men," "[The disciples] could listen to His [Jesus'] teaching, ask Him questions, watch how He dealt with people, and enjoy intimate fellowship with Him in every kind of setting. … He graciously encouraged them, lovingly corrected them, and patiently instructed them. That is how the best learning always occurs. It isn't just information passed on; it's one life invested in another."

You're the Parent, But You Can Be Overruled

Where Your Children Rank

This article about motherhood was just fabulous. I strongly encourage you to read it. These are the highlights:

Everywhere you go, people want to talk about your children. Why you shouldn’t have had them, how you could have prevented them, and why they would never do what you have done. They want to make sure you know that you won’t be smiling anymore when they are teenagers. All this at the grocery store, in line, while your children listen.

Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get. In fact, children rate below your desire to sit around and pick your toes, if that is what you want to do. Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing.

If you grew up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood, to think like a free Christian woman about your life, your children. How much have we listened to partial truths and half lies?

Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.

But a Christian should have a different paradigm. We should run to the cross. To death. So lay down your hopes. Lay down your future. Lay down your petty annoyances. Lay down your desire to be recognized. Lay down your fussiness at your children. Lay down your perfectly clean house. Lay down your grievances about the life you are living. Lay down the imaginary life you could have had by yourself. Let it go.

Death to yourself is not the end of the story. We, of all people, ought to know what follows death. The Christian life is resurrection life, life that cannot be contained by death, the kind of life that is only possible when you have been to the cross and back.

The Bible is clear about the value of children. Jesus loved them, and we are commanded to love them, to bring them up in the nurture of the Lord. We are to imitate God and take pleasure in our children.

Be a Fly on the Wall

#1

(Each of my children have their own besetting sins - the things they struggle with the most. Daniel's biggest struggle is lying.)

Lydia comes to me saying: Daniel said I'm a chicken!

Daniel, who is right behind her, quickly pipes in: But then I said you're a big strong girl.

Me: Daniel, why did you call Lydia a chicken?

Daniel: To be mean.

Me: And then why did you say she's a big strong girl?

Daniel: So she wouldn't tell on me.

Me: {giggling} Thank you for telling me the truth, Daniel.

#2

Last night we moved Julia into the girl room. So, Kyle went into the playroom (with me standing behind him) after putting her to bed and warned the other girls:

Kyle (pointing to each of the girls): You and you and you and you better go to bed quietly!

(Then he starts gesturing like a wild man) I'm not going to have any of that talking when you get in bed. Go straight to your bed and zip your lips! You got it?

All the girls: (nodding in fear)

Kyle (pointing to the boys): But you and you can talk all you want {he giggles}. Ok? Ok.

(Whirls around dramatically and leaves the room smiling at me.)

Parenting is a very entertaining venture.

Divided

Divided from NCFIC on Vimeo.

Segregation in churches is dividing the family. It is especially damaging to our youth, who need their parents' leadership more than at any other time. The teenage years are not the time to ship off your kids to the cool youth group leader and hope he disciples your children well. That's YOUR job. And what a blessed privilege it is!

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and you shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

Deuteronomy 6:5-7

The Power of Thoughts

I tend to rehearse the negative in my mind. It's what comes naturally to me because I'm a sinner.

I think:

• He never remembers to brush his teeth. We do it twice a day every single day. Why can't he remember that?

• She's complaining again! She is always complaining about something!

• Why does she always get so emotional when she does math? Good grief, it's just math!

• When is she going to remember the vowel sounds correctly? Why is reading so hard with her?

Here's what I could be thinking on instead:

• That boy is so precious to me. He's so affectionate and loving!

• She is so encouraging! It just comes so naturally to her! She's going to be a great mommy one day!

• I love her sensitive spirit. She's always the first to notice when someone's feeling left out.

• That girl's tenacity really impresses me. It must be so hard for her, but she just keeps working at it!

As moms, we have a choice: We can focus on the things our kids don't do well and thus think the exact same way as the world: Kids are burdens.

OR

We can focus on the traits God is developing in our kids and thus think the same way the Lord thinks: Children are a blessing, a gift, a reward.

We destroy arguments and every opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ

2 Corinthians 10:5

Family Q&A

Every once in awhile at dinner time, Kyle or I will call out: "Ok guys, it's Q&A time! If you have a question, we have an answer." I said it last night when we were all finishing up our Shepherd Pie (yum!) and then I just looked around expectantly at the kids.

Isaac said: Why don't you ask us a question.

Okey dokey. So I started with Chloe: What is your absolute favorite thing to do?

-sing!

(That was insightful and I told her so. (Then I explained what insightful means.) She's always singing, but frankly I never realized the depth of her passion for it.)

Elena's answer didn't surprise me. In fact, it was so unsurprising, I don't remember it. No clue what I asked her. (how embarrassing)

Isaac: What is your favorite part of having your cousins here all week?

-playing basketball with Max

(I've been reading a book about raising boys and it taught me not to expect a boy younger than 13 to speak or think in anything less than concrete terms, so I wasn't disappointed in his brief answer. Last week, I would've been.)

Kyle asked Daniel and Lydia what their favorite movie was. They both answered something they'd seen within the last 48 hours. Go figure.

Maya: If you could have anything you wanted, no matter how much it costs, what would you want?

She thought about it briefly and then said: I'd go see Jesus. Even if it meant I'd have to die, that's what I want.

Encouraging Moms Who Don't Enjoy Their Kids

A good friend emailed this question to me recently and I thought it was a great question, so wanted to share it with you all.

How do you respond when people say things to you about not wanting to spend time with their kids? It seems so often when people I meet find out I homeschool my daughter, they start telling me about how they “could never spend all day” with their kids. I can handle the “I don’t have patience” or so many other comments, but I just don’t know the words to say back to this one.

I wanted to say “I’m so sorry! Maybe if you trained your kids, you’d enjoy being around them more.” – but that’s tacky J

You're right, that would be really tacky. LOL! But what you want to say is so key. They don't train their kids, because frankly they don't have time, and therefore they don't enjoy their children.

Imagine for a minute if your daughter were in public school all day, picking up bad attitudes and disrespect for the other kids, while not being disciplined biblically (if at all) by her teachers when she sports these nasty attitudes. Then in the few hours you have with her at night, you're making dinner and preparing for the next day while she does her homework, rushing to give her a bath before bedtime. (This is assuming she's not in any extra-curriculars, in which case you'd have even less time with her.) When could you disciple her? I mean, really. When would there be time? You might be able to faithfully fit in family worship time, but that wouldn't be enough to undo all she learned at school all day.

The reason you enjoy being with your daughter all day is because you've spent so much time with her that you know and understand her very well. When she throws a fit, you know why. You are sympathetic towards her and that draws her heart to yours. And you are training her biblically, which produces an enjoyable child. I haven't always been a full time mom, so I know very well how you really don't enjoy them near as much when you're not with them very much. The longer I've been at home full-time, the more I enjoy my children.

That's what I would say. "It seems backwards, but the truth is: The more time I spend with my daughter, the more I enjoy her." Any more than that, and you'd offend them.

Really, all you can do is be gracious and be a good example of a joyful mother of children. They may begin to ask you questions, in my experience. Then you can encourage them with the truth of God's Word.

Just be compassionate. It's sad that they don't enjoy their children and they really have no idea why you do. And that's sad too. They don't get it.

Keeping Perspective

I struggle with getting frustrated with my kids. That whole 2 part post on teaching children to think -- that was for me. I know that I need to do that, but I still struggle with frustration about why I have to do it. I want my kids to pick up the jacket instead of stepping over it. (Nevermind that plenty of 20-year-olds do the same.)
In the midst of a season of frustration, little reminders will pop up to remind me to focus on the big picture:

• Three times in one day, I overheard Maya tell someone that I was her best friend
• Lydia was running out the door, but stopped in her tracks, ran back to me to kiss me and say: "I love you and I think you're cute"
• A perfect stranger comes up to me just to tell me my kids are polite
• Isaac draws a picture of him hugging me, with a bubble above his head that says: You're the best mom ever
  
• A friend tells me what a joy it is having my family over, because my kids are so well behaved

And suddenly I realize what a wretch I am for taking my sweet children for granted.

Today, focus on all the things your kids do right. See if it doesn't change your attitude.

Teaching Children to Think, Part 2

Part 1 here.

Here's how I "micro-manage" my kids:

I don't wait around for them to forget to do something. In the beginning, I tell them what to do. I'll say: "I'm making dinner. Ya'll set the table." Or, "We're leaving in 10 minutes. Everyone should be dressed to the shoes with teeth brushed." Or, "Dinner's over now. Let's do our table chores."

I do this for months. These are not new things. We always do these things. It's just that now I'm spelling everything out. I'm not expecting them to think of any of it on their own. Expecting it just gives me opportunity to be frustrated and criticize my precious kids.

After several months of this, I switch to asking questions. "I'm cooking dinner. What do you all need to do, so we can eat?", "Now that your laundry is dry, what should you do next?", "What are your chores today? What do you need to do next?"

My life has gotten easier, not harder. Life runs more smoothly. And my kids have many opportunities to be praised, not criticized. What a concept!

Teaching Children to Think, Part 1

Children aren't born knowing how to think. I used to think: Hey, they have a brain. Why don't they use the thing? We clean our dishes after every meal every day, why do I have to remind them to do it?

I own a basin wrench. That doesn't mean I know how to use it.

We've been stripping cabinets and repainting them. We have a trash can in the garage to collect all the dirty paper towels and such. Daniel's job is to collect trash cans. He came into the garage, where I was priming cabinet doors, to get the trash can. He left the door open and Misha made a mad dash for freedom. I yelled: Grab Misha! She can't be out here!

Daniel, with hands around the trash can, panicked. "I can't!"

He couldn't figure out how in the world to get Misha when his hands were full.

I used to think I shouldn't have to micro-manage my kids. They know what we do every day. They know what's expected. They should just do it. Micro-managing would make my life harder, I reasoned.

I was wrong. I was forever frustrated with all the things they forgot. And then I started to see all the times I left my plate on the table. Or got sidetracked and left my pajamas on the floor while I ran downstairs to do something "urgent". And I started micro-managing my kids.

Part 2 here.

More Kids & Money

A good friend of mine recently found out she's pregnant with #5. One of the responses she got to her announcement was:

Are you being financially responsible? I mean, if you were financially independent that would be one thing, but. . .

Considering how many families of four are in debt up to their eyeballs, I found this statement quite interesting. What do you think?

Why Older is Better

As I mother my baby, I find that I am much more relaxed now than when I was just starting out in my mothering career. My attitude is so different now:

1. It doesn't bother me to miss out on social time because I'm taking care of my baby.

When my first two children were babies, I hated having to miss out on time with friends because I was nursing the baby, changing the baby, putting the baby to bed. Now, I understand that I'll always have time with friends, but my baby won't always be a baby. When I sit on the couch nursing while the rest of my family eats dinner together and has a lively conversation without me, I don't mind. I cherish the time alone with my baby.

2. It gets fun so much sooner.

With my first two babies, I said: "It gets fun between five and six months, when they start smiling and laughing." With Lydia and Julia, it was fun right away. I didn't care that they weren't interacting with me. I just enjoyed their babyhood.

3. I don't push myself and wear myself out.

I used to push on with whatever I wanted to do (stay up late with friends, run a bunch of errands, etc.) and then wear myself out. Now, I prioritize naptime. I still like to stay up late with friends, but I can rebound easier now than I could back in the day. (A well-treated thyroid has a lot to do with that.) I don't stress out about being tired like I used to. I know I can always take a nap later and recover.

4. Having older children makes having a baby so much more fun.

It has been so very fun having Julia with all of my "big kids". I'm not the only one excited about her new teeth, her first laugh, her first foods. They are all enthusiastic about these things too, maybe even more so. And frankly, errand-running doesn't wear me out as much because I'm not buckling kids in car seats. I buckle myself in. The end. That really does make a big difference.

Hurry Up & Get Serious

Two years ago, I posted this. And just yesterday, I got this comment on it:

I'd enjoy hearing an update as to what this looked like for you this month.

Admittedly, there are things I've blogged about that worked for us once upon a time but no longer do. Quality time is one that we have kept up, thankfully. Generally, when we go shopping, we only take one child. This is when we have private talks with that child.

A good friend who heard the Duggars speak at the recent Baby Conference, shared this wisdom with me: Go deep fast. Don't waste time on chit-chat with your kids.

I have taken this advice to heart and have begun asking pointed questions as soon as we are both buckled up. Questions like:

What are you struggling with lately?

What temptations are you having a hard time with?

Are you getting along with your siblings?

Who are you having a hard time getting along with?

Is there anything you'd like to tell me about?

If you have any other good probing questions, I'd love to hear them!

I'm a Hypocrite

I tell my children to quickly forgive when their sibling sins against them, but I am slow to forgive when they sin against me. I have a high standard of cleanliness for their bedrooms, but I joke and make excuses why my room is seldom tidy.

I'm a hypocrite.

I took Chloe shopping with me yesterday and while I was checking out, she spotted a bag of shells that she was interested in. Shells and rocks are all the rage in the Clark house. She asked the clerk if she could look at them. Then she told the clerk how beautiful they were and handed them back. I surprised Chloe and bought them for her. Chloe gushed thankfulness. It doesn't take much to impress my kids.

As we were walking out of the store, she asked me to hold her shells for a minute. When I took them from her, they fell to the concrete, breaking several. I was crushed and Chloe was clearly deflated. I said: "Oh Chloe, I am so sorry!"

Chloe quickly said: Oh it's ok, Mom, it's just a few shells.

I looked at her in awe. How quick she was to forgive me. I was humbled.

How I Got Here, Part 2

Reading The Mission of Motherhood, I understood for the first time that my children are my greatest blessings and there is no higher calling or more important job than raising my disciples. I don't need to leave my house in order to do ministry. Everyday, in the way I serve, teach, and train my children, I am investing in disciples for Christ. This does not mean that our call to evangelize the lost is belittled, but those who say that moms of littles can't do ministry are missing the point entirely.

When I understood that raising my disciples for the Lord Jesus was my most important calling, then my view of working changed completely. Suddenly, I understood what a terrible thing I was doing by allowing others to spend more time and thus have more influence over the children the Lord had given to me.

Having decided that I didn't want to delegate my parenting to someone else, even for a few hours of each day, it wasn't a stretch for me to see that sending my kids off to school each day was to do the same thing. I would once again be delegating my job to someone else, so that they could spend more time, have more influence, and ultimately disciple my children. All so that my children could be taught by "the experts". But experts in what? There is no one more expert on my children than me. I know how they think. I understand their weaknesses and strengths. So my only obstacle was in finding curriculum to teach them. I didn't realize how easy that task would become.

To be continued again. . .

Redeem the Time

It has been heavy on my heart lately that I don't have much time with my Maya left. She's almost 12 and I can easily see her marrying young. When I am sick, she runs the household. She cooks half our dinners single-handedly. She's a very trustworthy sibling-sitter; the littles respect her when she gives direction. My mom recently said that when she has all six at her house, it's not difficult because Maya keeps them all in line. She said: She opens her mouth to say something to Lydia and Daniel, but it's Ginger's words I hear.
She has been a quick study in child-training; I know she will be a great mommy one day. I trust she will know better than my generation who were taught that we should wait to have kids until after we've been married several years and have developed more selfishness, I mean: a "good foundation". What a crock!
As confident as I am in Maya's skills as a future keeper of the home, I am just as concerned about our relationship. I love and enjoy her so much, but does she really know that? When I correct her attitudes, do I do it with gentleness or does she hear criticism? Will she confide in me when she has something more serious than a scabbed knee to talk about? Does she recognize the pride in my eyes when I look at her or are my words more effective?
Lord, give me discernment to know how my kids need love. Give me the humility to be deliberate in my love for them. And please, oh please, let them all live within a ten mile radius of home when they grow up.