Friday, July 11, 2008

I'm Torn

I'm entering a strange phase of life. I'm almost in my mid-30s and it is very possible that I won't be giving birth again. I have very mixed feelings about that. Kyle and I are very content with our family the way it is and I love having a cluster of kids!

On the other hand, it's very hard for me to imagine being "done". I really can't handle the thought of never being blessed again with another child. It makes me so sad! When I see pregnant women, I immediately feel a sting of jealousy. Lately, I've been looking back at newborn pictures and birth videos, feeling very nostalgic.

Eventually, you have to quit though, right? Eventually someone will have to be the baby of the family. I don't know if I'm ready for that yet.

Fortunately, God is in control of our family size. He is trustworthy.

14 comments:

email us a mommysavesmoney (at) yahoo.com said...

Praise God.. Who better then HIM to trust in!

The Herd said...

I pray that whatever God has for you now, you would have His peace.

MommaofMany said...

I know that sting very well! I'd love to cuddle another little one, too!

My husband says we are done.
But, I know if it's God's will for us to have another He will change my husband's heart or just make it happen anyway!

If it doesn't, I will just continue to enjoy (and be content with) the little ones we have!

Heather said...

I feel that same urge. Which is just really NUTS because I have had 3 newborns in the past 14 months and my baby is currently 7 months! I was reorganizing our clothing inventory and pulled out the preemie clothes. OH PRECIOUS!

I rather spook myself because I always planned on having 3 and no more. And now I am a perpetual professional mother. God is just awesome how He stretches us.

heartchild said...

Thanks for posting this. I can relate and it was nice to see what's in my heart written out.

Beautiful pictures.

Angie

musicmommy3 said...

Did you have a waterbirth?

I had one with Judah! It was great!!

Ginger said...

MM3,

Yes, I did! Only with Lydia. They were all three born at home, but I sure wish I'd tried a waterbirth before! It was FANTASTIC!!

One of us Dragonfryes said...

Ginger,
I know the thoughts you have.I just turned 40 and things are really going to end sooner than I am ready.I'm not ready for that next season of life.
Tina Frye

musicmommy3 said...

I agree that it's the BEST. Judah was my only one. My home midwife didn't agree with water birth. It worked out for the best though. All 3 times I had to deal with sticky shoulders. :)

Janelle said...

Ginger,
I am at that place also, but I know that it is not my timing but God's. He knows the perfect size for our family and I pray that He help make His plan for us, mine and dh also. Prayers and (((HUGS)))

debhmom3 said...

Oh how my mommy heart longs for another baby. Yet, I don't know if that will ever happen for many reasons. I know it is in God hands and I will love and enjoy my current littles and try not to take this time for granted!

Kysha said...

You were in the recent talk at our home. I feel the same way. Hubby tries to understand. Bless his heart but I thank God for blessing me so.

Our Family: said...

I know the feeling and it got worse when I was diagnosed with some fertility issues.

It wasn't until then that I realized I'd taken my fertility for granted and now that we're pregnant, I am very excited and just never imagined I was to have another biological child.

And I have friends who are in their 40's having children, so don't think that it's over because you're in your mid-30's---that's just what we're bombarded with from the world.

I always felt I was running out of time, but I love that I can say I personally know women in their 40s who are having kiddos and will continue to do so until their fertility goes away naturally. They're so inspirational for me.

Just keep praying--I would love to read about the 8th Clark on the way!!

Elizabeth

Shell said...

Now Ginger, what would make you think that. Have you gotten some gyn checkups. I would if your haven't already. The ob/gyn would check you over hormonally too to see where you are at near medepause (sp?) I'm 37 and I have a 15 mon. old and we are currently trying for another. My mother went through the life change at 40. My fathers mother didn't. You never know!
I may not have anymore either. We'll see!
Good luck!
Shell
www.shellsgang.blogspot.com