Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Book Review: The Connected Child

Most of the books I review, I receive from the publisher for the purpose of reviewing. This book, I picked up from the library and loved it so much, I just had to tell you about it.
This is the absolute best adoption book I've read. It talks a lot about the fear that drives common institutionalized behavior. That is, kids who have been in an orphanage for any amount of time develop fear in the primal part of their brain. Fear of going hungry (which leads to food hording and hiding), fear of punishment or abuse (which leads to lying), fear of loud noises or sights (caused by staring at a white ceiling for hours on end in an orphanage crib). These fears cause their logical brain to shut down, resulting in behavior that is driven solely by survival instincts.
I had read Beyond Logic, Consequences, and Control (which talks about this same fear-driven behavior), but it had too much psycho-babble thrown in. For instance, it states that when your child lies out of fear, you should reassure them that they are loved and safe and just ignore the lying. Then, hours later when they are calm and non-threatened, you talk to them about why it's wrong to lie. But little ones don't respond well to delayed consequences. It's like coming home to a dog mess and rubbing the dog's nose in it. The poor dog has no idea why he's being punished.
The Connected Child had a better solution. Reassure the child that they are loved and safe, and then give consequences for the misbehavior.
I learned so much from this book and I was so encouraged by it.

I highly recommend it.

No comments: