Tonight Maya had one of her grieving moments. We heard whimpering in the girls' bedroom and Kyle found her curled up in bed crying. He went in to talk to her and she just came undone, bawling on his shoulder, "I miss my mommy." I held her and talked to her about it, and then we prayed together for her birth mom. This time it really hit me hard. I couldn't stop myself from thinking: I'm not doing enough. I'm not loving her enough.
The kids' birth mom, Nan, made a loving sacrifice for her children. She wanted them to have a good life. She wanted them to live. From all the sweet stories Maya has shared with us, Nan loved her children very much. Nan named her firstborn Beauty. I know that name came from the deep love she had in her heart for this precious girl. I cannot comprehend the pain she must endure as she thinks of the children she loves so dearly, who she will likely never see again. We prayed peace over Nan.
Still, I cannot stop myself from feeling that I'm not doing it right. What if Maya doesn't feel loved by us? What if I'm not loving her well? I want to protect her from the grief and mourning she must experience. I want to shield her from the pain she's going through.
I prayed over her again as I tucked her back into bed. I kissed her as I held her face in my hands and said, "Goodnight, Beauty. I love you."
7 comments:
You're doing everything right, Ginger, especially as you always turn to the Lord for guidance. To be adopted at Maya's age, it's normal for her memories to flood back from time to time. No matter how much better her life is, she will ALWAYS wonder how her birth mom is and miss her. Maya's heart is big enough for two moms (and many more, for that matter!); she loves you both. Never doubt yourself - put on your full armor of GOD!!
Oh, that just breaks my heart as I know that feeling of not being able to love them enough. I will tell you though that it is a GOOD thing that she is greiving, it is healthy for her. It has nothing to do with your love for her, it's juse the way it has to be. Praying for sweet Maya Beauty today as she goes through this time of grieving.
Blessings...
Even though it's hard for you to see her crying over another mother, how much better is it that she is crying because she misses her birth mom, and not because of painful memories! I remember Maya talking about her B-mom some at the orphanage and she sounded very different than your average Liberian woman. At one point in your blog you said you were very grateful that Maya's innocence was preserved. That can be credited 100% to a very unusual Liberian mother. God has been very good to your children.
-Melodie
Thanks you all. I'm very thankful that Maya has two moms; that she wasn't abandoned or forgotten. She was loved by a wonderful mother. I just want her to be secure in our love for her. In my mind the times of grieving come from times of insecurity.
You said: "In my mind the times of grieving come from times of insecurity."
Who told you that lie? Even our kids that were completely neglected mourn for their bio families. I think more often they mourn the loss of being able to take care of their parents. They seem to think that if only they were there that their parent would get it together. Jason worries more that his mother misses him then he ever mentions missing her.
They also mourn that things didn't turn out perfect. Just like we mourn when we realize our kids may have educational difficulties. We are sad that everything is not as perfect as we once thought it would be...or it should have been. We mourn that life is not fair.
You handled her prefectly and as she gets older and processes the seperation with more mature knowledge she *will* greive again and you will be there to greive with her and comfort her. Just as it should be.
Katie
www.teambettendorf.com
Thank you, Katie. Your words mean a lot to me. Nobody told me that lie. I made it up.
This is new territory for us. We didn't have these issues with Pedro or with Stacey (see our adoption story). Pedro is quite balanced when it comes to his bio parents. He's smart and they are manipulative (call when they want money.) Stacey was too hardened by what happened to her; not at all in touch with her emotions.
I'm so glad for what Maya had. So thankful that she is able to grieve as she should. It's still very hard for me to see it. I want to love her grieving away. I can't.
Ginger,
You are such a woman of strength! I am amazed again and again by you! You have received wonderful advise from those who have commented before me and it would be foolish for me to try to give you any. Just know we pray for you guys! God has blessed you all with each other. I will pray for Nan now as well.
Blessings,
Krista
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