Thursday, January 24, 2008
My Precious Maya Beauty
Tonight Maya had one of her grieving moments. We heard whimpering in the girls' bedroom and Kyle found her curled up in bed crying. He went in to talk to her and she just came undone, bawling on his shoulder, "I miss my mommy." I held her and talked to her about it, and then we prayed together for her birth mom. This time it really hit me hard. I couldn't stop myself from thinking: I'm not doing enough. I'm not loving her enough.
The kids' birth mom, Nan, made a loving sacrifice for her children. She wanted them to have a good life. She wanted them to live. From all the sweet stories Maya has shared with us, Nan loved her children very much. Nan named her firstborn Beauty. I know that name came from the deep love she had in her heart for this precious girl. I cannot comprehend the pain she must endure as she thinks of the children she loves so dearly, who she will likely never see again. We prayed peace over Nan.
Still, I cannot stop myself from feeling that I'm not doing it right. What if Maya doesn't feel loved by us? What if I'm not loving her well? I want to protect her from the grief and mourning she must experience. I want to shield her from the pain she's going through.
I prayed over her again as I tucked her back into bed. I kissed her as I held her face in my hands and said, "Goodnight, Beauty. I love you."