Saturday, April 5, 2008
How I Handle the Comments
My friend, Faith, recently blogged about strangers who make comments about her kids, when they are all out together ("Are any of them adopted?") . All of her kids were adopted. She said, and I agree, that it doesn't make sense to ask if someone is adopted. Adoption is something that happens once, it is not an ongoing condition. People ask this in the same way they might ask a mom if her child is handicapped or if he is autistic. (All of these, in my opinion, are inappropriate fyi.)It is unlikely, however, that all of us adoptive parents are going to change the way people think about this. In fact, I hear just as many adoptive parents say that their kids "are adopted," so I've decided to get over it. I'm a fan of semantics, but you get a little tired of saying: "They're all mine"over and over as they keep looking at you like you just don't get it.But while you're here reading my opinions, I think the best way to ask that question would be: "Were any of your children adopted?" and I think it's much kinder to ask the parent alone, not in front of the children.
I suggested that Faith's answer to that question, which is frequently asked in front of her precious kiddos, might be: "As a matter of fact, ALL of them were hand-picked and they're just wonderful!"
Then I got a comment asking how I would respond to questions like this since all of mine weren't adopted.There have so far been two times that I've been asked "Are all of them adopted?" Both times, I gave a mischievous grin and said: "Half of them were, I'll let you guess which ones!" and I give a big dramatic wink.Here's the thing: my kids are going to have to get used to this type of questioning, regardless of how I feel about it. They know they are different and they know they don't look like their mom and dad. I choose to have fun with it and respond joyfully, teaching my kids to enjoy the attention they get.