Yesterday afternoon, I took the kids to the library. We go to the library at least once a week and everyone knows us there. As we were heading into the kids area, we passed a librarian who's always very friendly to my kids and she smiled as we walked by. Later, we were at her desk getting some stuff for the kids and she smiled really big at me and said, "Every time I see you in here, I think: That's me 10 years ago!" She went on to explain: "Whenever I would go places, I'd always have a bunch of kids with me because all the neighbors sent their kids to my house. People would always ask if they were all my kids and I'd laugh."
It never occurred to me that all these librarians who were always so nice to us didn't know these were all my kids! HA!
As we finished checking out, I looked down to see Maya holding a book that was never scanned. I told her to just return it. (It was twaddle anyway.) As she walked away, the other 5 kids darted for the door, unaware of what just happened. Before I could catch them, 2 of them were outside.
They know to stay close by me, but I hadn't reminded them what behavior I expected when we arrived at the library and that always makes a big difference. As I was getting them back in the library, other people were trying to leave and it was a chaotic mess. I was so embarrassed!
Why was I embarrassed that my kids disobeyed and were brought back in line? Because I have a big family and I know I am judged based on that. I want to give big families a good name by making sure my kids behave and are pleasant. Most of the time they are, too, and I should have given myself more grace. But I didn't. I'm a perfectionist and I do worry what other people think. There, I said it!
Honestly,
10 comments:
I know what you mean about putting the pressure on yourself for your children to behave. I feel the same. I only have 4, but even that is considered a big family these days, and I am always aware that we are watched when we are out for their behaviour. Its to your credit that you know you can take them anywhere though, and know with a little reminder, they will be well behaved.
I completely understand. My husband asks me when I come back from a mortifying public display of Oscar-worthy tantruming from my little ones ( we have 3 that are not yet 2), "Why are you so worried what people think?" He doesn't realize how people watch me and judge me and talk to the stranger in the walmart line about "So many kids" and "Why so many kids?" My newest son..22 mos...threw such a hairy fit in the hospital last week that I heard someone say, "If she had fewer kids she could get that under control." It isn't that. He came to us a feral child but I can't tell people his story. My 10 month old was screaming at a restaurant once and while my husband was getting up to take him out, my mom loudly said to all the onlookers, "He was born addicted to..." "MOM!!" LOL Even she wanted to explain away her embarrassment.
I do feel pressure when I leave the house. Not only because we have 5 and I want to represent large families well, but also because we are foster parents, and people have plenty of negative assumptions about foster parents, too.
Ginger,
I tend to be the same way, though I have realised that I have to let them be kids and that means having an off day now and then. just because the rest of the world does seem to get that large families are fun doesn't mean that they have to be perfect all the time. Do you use the buddy system? That might help to keep an older with a younger and may be a little less stressful.
God love you, Ginger! I, too, try to make sure things go well when we are out-and-about, and care about how we portray ourselves. People around here are very vocal about our family; we get stopped several times every trip to talk about the children. Overwhelmingly, the comments are good, thank the Lord! I can imagine if I lived in a liberal area where folks look down on having children!
I feel that way too and I only have two kids! I don't want people to have a bad view of home schoolers or Christians or whatever other category they feel like putting us in that day because of the way my kids and I act.
Did you clear things up with the librarian so she knows they are your children? How funny that she would assume you were taking the same neighbor kids every week.
I sooooo relate to that! Why is it that when a mother has 2 children and they misbehave others say "They will grow out of if." But when it happens to a mother with a larger family she hears, "That's why you shouldn't have so many children."
Grrrrrr
I'm glad that you said it! It makes me feel normal too.
WOW!! I totally understand how you feel. Being a mom of a family of four and being Hispanic I feel so pressured not to fall into the stereotype of having to many to control. I hate the stares but I am so much more compassionate to others. When I'm solo, not often, and see a mom with many little ones I make it a point to comment on the beauty of big families. Thanks for being honest.
I was describing my two daughters' families to a Bible study friend and she asked, "Are they all home schooled?" When I said yes, her husband chimed in that they've noticed how much better behaved homeschooled children typically are!" I agree!
yeah, you know - we all worry too much about what other people think sometimes. i suspect your family is a light to others more often than not :)
have a blessed week!
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