So, this Santa discussion led to a real-life talk about parents who think we're ruining our kids' lives by doing things differently than our parents did for us. If you go against the flow in any way in your parenting, what flack have you received for it?
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In regards to the santa thing, I've been told that they wouldn't have any fun at Christmas, that I was robbing them of childhood fun and memories, that I was selfish for taking the magic of Christmas away...
I've been accused of being too hard on my kids because I actually expect them to mind. However, as they have gotten older the ones who at first complained are now thankful because they can enjoy being around my kids. But oh boy, there for a while it was rough.
My parents were deeply offended and hurt because I was raising my kids differently. They took it as a personal attack at their parenting. They seem to have come around though, realizing that every family is different and every child is different, and Dustin and I have to raise our kids the way God leads us.
I have been very blessed in that even though both my mohter and MIL realize acknowledge that we are raising our kids differently, they don't believe it's their place to interfere (imagine that!) But DH's stepmom is a whole 'nother story. Besides the how-will-you-have-any fun-at-christmas-without-Santa talk, the best one was when it came up that not only did I not want her children's hand-me-down baptism gowns (could I chose my own?) but that we did not believe in infant baptism anyway. Oh-ho, was that a stir! After some discussion and seeing we were unmoved, she said "Well, if you die, and we get the kids, that;'s the first thing we'll do!" Alrighty then... :)
My parents did Santa, and one thing I do want to say, is I don't think of my parents as liars, nor am I scarred because they did santa, then realized santa was not real. In fact I don't know anyone who has been scarred by their parents telling them that there is a santa, only to find out that there isn't one.
My friends parents told her that when you stop believing, he stops coming!
We used to do santa, now that the kids are older, and I have to say, that as I've gotten older, Christmas for me has taken on a whole new meaning. I used to be stressed about gifts and how many they got, now I'm not and we tell them why we've changed. Their all good with that. It's not about santa, but it's also not about the gifts, are we being just as cautious about the amount of gifts we pour on our kids that day, as we are about santa?
We started to give our kids only 3-4 gifts at Christmas and we tell them why. There no longer marked with santas name. But I do believe that everyone has to come to that conclusion on their own. Theres so many other ways we can get consumed during the Christmas season, not just with santa, so we need to make sure that were careful with what we say about him to others if all our actions and words aren't loving. That no matter what, it's about caring for people, if they want to believe, it's up to God to change them, just like he did me. But theres so many other things in our own life we need to make sure is right, before judging another Christian for doing the santa thing.
The biggest we get comments on is you want more children, you don't watch tv and you don't let your kids surf the internet. Although I shouldn't have to explain I do tell them we watch lots of good movies, I am with my kids when they are on the internet to protect them and yes I want lots and lots of children.
The saddest flak we have gotten for our going against the flow is that his Dad has pulled away from us. We still see him about twice a year, but he prefers to spend time with his step-grandchildren now. The choices we have made are just "too out there" for him.
There have been many hurtful things said from each set of our parents, but we choose to please God rather than man.
His Mom still insists that we do Santa. She just pretends that we do.... total denial. Ditto Halloween. I think she has faced the fact that we homeschool by now!
Where do I even begin? We're looked at like we're totally nuts when we state our opinions on any subject since we're so much more conservative than our families, so they've basically cut us out of their lives, aside from occasional visits from my dh's mother (both of my parents are now deceased) that coincide with some of my kids' b-days and one around Christmas sometime (usually around New Years since she's so busy with her own siblings and other children on Christmas). Not vaccinating anymore (once we learned....) is negligent, homeschooling is cutting them off from all the good things society has to offer and it's just wrong to keep them with you all the time. Adopting from foster care? Well, you made that choice - don't you dare ever complain about those poor kids or the behaviors they display in your home, you asked for it and you're just exaggerating anyway. Not letting them "hang out" with friends at the mall? No comment, just eye-rolls. Not letting them free reign to television and internet? just plain unreasonable. I don't feel the need to defend our choices because no one is around anymore to hear it, but also because I have learned the hard way that when I've tried to "educate" others on the decisions I've made, they're just saving up my comments to throw them back at me again later when my kids make a mistake (as in, "See! I told you those kids would rebel because they are home schooled" - whatever). Everyone has an opinion - not everyone is ever going to unanimously agree - that's why we have choices.
We don't let our daughter have her own cell phone. I don't see any need for her to have one. If she needs one, I have one she can use.
When we turned off the t.v. my mother couldn't stand it. We actually turned it back on now but what we watch is pretty limited, and we have the dvr feature to skip commercials.
OH, and for some reason it seems my family is encouraging about my daughter "dating" when she's of age. I don't know why they think it's a good idea to send a 16 year old out alone with a boy for hours on end.
Flak? Let me see. Most of what we have received has been verbal, in varying degrees of rudeness.
We have extended family who have not approved of our homeschooling, of our drastically limiting television watching, not allowing commercials at all.
We have had doctors who have been very angered by our choice not to vaccinate, but mostly just curiosity about that choice from family so far.
We have received a lot of negativity in regard to our family size and choice to allow the Lord to bless our family with as many children as He wishes. From extended family not even responding when we told them of babies who are on their way, to most recently a family member informing us to NOT HAVE ANY MORE after our last child was born. My husband gently said that they are of course entitled to an opinion, but not a vote!
We have also received flak about not allowing Halloween and Santa Claus, not allowing them to play with super heroes and Bratz dolls etc.
We have even been berated for insisting that our girls wear dresses that hit below the knee or longer, and other similar modesty issues.
We do not allow anything in their play life that we would not allow in real life. For example, my son cannot pretend to attack his sisters, but he can pretend that he is defending them against an attack from another.
Most recently a librarian approached my two oldest ages 7 and 8 and told them that they were too little to read the BoxCar Children Books and that they had too many in their stack. I don't think she believed me when I told her that my 8 year old can read one of those books in one night, and therefore needs a large stack to last her for two weeks. (I know that last example doesn't really apply, but I knew you as a fellow book-lover would relate!)
There isn't room here to document all the flack we get for not doing things the way my parents did them...I am constantly telling them that we do what we think is best for our family and that they don't get a vote...they had their chance and blew it with their own kids...(I don't tell them that last part...even if it is true). :)
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