Wednesday, November 17, 2010

What Are Your Goals for Them?

What do you most want your children to learn?

I recently finished a fiction book that I almost quit. It was all about the relationships between mothers and daughters and how easily they can misunderstand each other. It was really frustrating to read how much these families hurt each other unintentionally just because they didn't understand each other.

In one part of the book, a college girl finds herself pregnant out of wedlock. (No, she wasn't a Christian at the time.) She reluctantly goes home to her parents. Wanting to help her learn to stand on her own two feet, they tell her they will care for her child while she works until she's paid them back for everything they did for her (paying hospital bills, etc, etc.) She wanted to be with her child so badly, she worked all the time, so she could hurry up and pay off her debts. Meanwhile, her child was learning to love her grandparents and is developing almost no relationship with her mother.

She did learn to stand on her own two feet. She became independent and confident in her ability to take care of herself and provide for her child. But she also missed out on the first several years of her child's life.

What would you do if it was your daughter?


Mariah said...

I don't get it. Better that she be close to her grandparents than daycare workers, right?

DNA said...

In a way, I was THAT daughter. :/

What my parents did was a tremendous blessing for my dd and me. They finished a tiny room over their garage for us to live in (think 20x20ft efficiency apt). We paid rent. I found a job working from home.

My parents helped me think these things through and pursue it, but they refused to be babysitters or live in help. They didn't cook for us, offer to clean, or do laundry. They didn't cart us to doctor appt.

They forgave my rebellion and encouraged me, but didn't coddle me. When Dh and I married, we continued to live there for a few months until we could get moved back where he could finish college.

I have thanked them for this and faced with a similar situation would attempt to do the same. Funny, this is the only thing about growing up with my parents that I feel they truly did well. :)

Faith said...

I would be encouraging her to place the baby for adoption in a 2 parent family.