Thursday, November 18, 2010

Continued Discussion: What We Would Do

So, yesterday I asked how you would handle it if your daughter got pregnant out of wedlock. I loved Faith's answer: Encourage them to place the child for adoption in a 2 parent family.
But the girl in the book rejected that option, so I was thinking of what we'd do if our daughter wanted to keep her baby. Kyle and I stayed up late one night talking about it because I was so frustrated by the book at that point.
If our daughter had a baby out of wedlock or lost her husband after they had children, it's the same solution for us. We'd take her in. The most important thing for us would be keeping our grandchild out of daycare. Our daughter would go back to being in the daughter role-- helping clean house, helping plan meals, helping to buy groceries and cooking meals, all while caring for her child. I would not take over as mother to her baby. I would want her to mother her baby, for the sake of their relationship.
While Stacey lived with us, she was able to breastfeed her baby, Mariah. I homeschooled Stacey and we discouraged her from getting a job to "help pay her way". Although Stacey eventually chose to go back to a very different lifestyle, just that one year of caring for and nursing her baby was very worthwhile in our opinion.
We would not tell our daughter she has to leave home all day and go to work. There are plenty of stay-at-home jobs she could do to earn money while not giving her baby over to someone else to care for.
But we would definitely strongly encourage her to place her child for adoption in a 2 parent family; doing what's best for the child is the most loving sacrifice.


Jennie Lou said...

I've thought about this before too and I wanted to add a thought. I'm thinking that, most likely, if our daughter was making the kinds of choices that would have her pregnant out of wedlock then it is very likely that she may not WANT to come back and fill the "daughter" roll again. I know it sounds so nice and tidy and ideal but I imagine these situations are much more complicated than that. I think we'd need to be sure of a few principles, such as keeping the grandchild out of daycare, and then just pray our way through the situation.

Faith said...

If my daughter chose to keep her baby we would do the same thing as you. However, I really, really, really pray that I never have to see that day with any of my children, including my sons!

Ginger said...

Your comment made me think: we're both assuming it was her choice. ;)

But I agree with you.

Ginger said...


Well duh, me too. :) But I do like to talk thru how we'd handle the tough situations so they don't catch us off guard.

Shell said...

You say your a christian, ok. I'm a bit shocked that you'd tell your daughter to give away her child/ your grandchild to benefit a "perfect" 2 parent household. Giving up your child to adoption is biblically a sin. Children are a gift from God; choosen by him to give to a women/girl. Even if the child is a result of sin.

It is this world's view of how much a child should have, that they determine if a child should be taken/givenup so, that the "child" can have a better life. Who should have the say that this child should have this better life? Has anyone considered consulting God and asking his wisdom for if they can/should, giveaway his gift to them? Tell me where in scripture that Gods word says to give up your child when you have unfortunate circumstance of finding yourself pregnant unexpected, unplanned in young age, poverty, or all alone.

The only bibical reference to adoption is when a child is truly an orphan by his/her parents death.

I would truly have to stand before the throne of God and be judged for supporting or encouraging my daughter/son to give up their gift of life from the Lord. It is a "soul" responsiblity that they could not guarantee that child's salvation if they did not raise the child themselves. I would not want to risk eternal judgement for such a thing as this!

I am NOT against adoption, if it is in the realm of social services or death. Not open adoption/ or just putting up a child for adoption. I would hope you would consider "thinking" and searching scripture and Jesus for this opinion you have decided to chose. I really do think you seek to do what's right and have chosen biblical choices. It is much more different when your children are young adults and the possibility of this happening is more realisticly at hand.

Morally shocked,

Ginger said...

Well, that is a very interesting viewpoint. I will definitely search the scriptures on that. Thank you for encouraging me to do so. :)

What verses would you use to back up your statement that placing a child for adoption is unbiblical?
What scripture are you referring to re: adoption being defined as orphaned by parental death?

You're saying that adoption when CPS is involved is ok, but open adoptions are not, is that correct?
I want to make sure I understand your opinion here.

I appreciate your honesty, Shell :)

Faith said...

I am curious to know what you would say about open adoption when the birthmother is not a Christian and is choosing a 2 parent Christian family for her child.

I am also wondering what scriptural basis you have for your statements.

MommaofMany said...

If we were in this situation, we would, of course, pray, pray, pray. I would never (unless the Lord directed otherwise) encourage my daughter to put the baby up for adoption. It's my grandchild! I would allow her to live at home, raising the child and contributing in some fashion, if just by helping with laundry and cooking. I would expect her to be responsible for the baby and herself as much as possible.

My sister had a baby just after she turned 16. She wanted to abort him, but my parents would not allow her to seek that. If she REALLY wanted to, I'm sure she could have sought it out, but it was 1982 and we lived in a really small town.

After he was born, she kept him, living at home, for a few months. Then she placed him for adoption. A family came and got him for a three day 'trial' placement. My mom just about died of grief while he was gone. On the third day, she drove to the other state, took him back and my parents adopted him.

This being said, I can see Shell's point about adoption in this instance not being the "Christian" thing to do. I don't think there's a Scripture that specifically addresses it, but 1 Timothy 5:8 applies. I would feel like I abandoned the baby to the world by encouraging adoption *in this situation*. Adoption such as you and I participated in, Ginger, is true religion, according to James 1:27.

Ginger said...

Ok, I did a search on "adopt" and came up w/ these verses:
Acts 7:21, Romans 8:15, Romans 8:23, Romans 9:, Galatians 4:5, Ephesians 1:5.

Acts 7:21 is about Pharaoh's daughter adopting baby Moses. Neither of his biological parents were dead. They "did what was best for him" and saved his life. As a result, God used Moses mightily to accomplish His will for the Israelites.

When I did a search on "orphan", I only found one verse that defines the term. Lam. 5:3 says orphans are fatherless. The word "fatherless" is mentioned 42x in the Bible. God as our loving heavenly Father, is apparently very protective of fatherless children.

Ginger said...

1 Tim 5:8
But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

I can't imagine how this applies to making sure a child has a mother and a father. Placing that child in the street and hoping someone will come along and care for them, yes, I get that. But making a loving sacrifice for the sake of the child being able to grow up in a 2 parent Christian home-- how is that not providing for him?
Please explain. I'm not following your logic here.

Faith said...

MoM, I, also, don't see how 1 Tim. 5:8 applies in an adoption situation.
So, is it better for a child to be raised without a father? The statistics for single parent family children are chilling.

MommaofMany said...

I am applying it in light of a daughter that is willing to live in your home and raise the baby and/or allow you to adopt the baby. I would not encourage her to put the baby up for adoption if she was willing to raise him or her or allow my husband and I to adopt him. To put the babe up for adoption *in that case* would be casting off your flesh and blood in my opinion.

Now if my daughter wanted desperately to go off and live her life without the baby and wholeheartedly refused to allow us to adopt him, I would certainly encourage an out-of-the-family adoption by a 2 parent, Christian family. There is no sin in it at all! Above all, the situation would have to be bathed in prayer. What is right for one family may be different for another. God works with individuals individually!