I really try to get into to who each child is. Spending time one-on-one with each child. Doing things like playing games because it's their favorite even though I can't stand games. Letting them venture out on experiments and believing in them that they can make it happen even when my experience says that it can't possibly work. Being there when things fail with open arms and compassion rather than an "I told you so".
Saying no. It sounds contradictory to what society would say. But I believe saying no ties heartstrings. It provides a safe boundary for them to count on and to flourish in.
Whenever possible say yes!
I believe that we gain their trust by being trustworthy. With their physical and emotional well beings.
Model healthy relationship. If we bond, attach and pour our ourselves into them then love always wins out.
I am the loviest, huggiest, kissiest, tickliest mom I've ever known. From birth I kiss my babies every time I pick them up.
Then about the time they can crawl out of bed by themselves, when we're together my hands are on them.
With the twins, I always run my hands through their curly hair.
With Claire I tickle her and then she begs for more.
We hold hands everywhere we go. Not for safety reasons, but because the kids want to. They love to hold my hand--I think because they're so accustomed to being touched that they desire it all the more.
I did a little test to see what my kids would say. The question, "If you could be with any person in the world right now, who would it be?" The answer, a unanimous, "Mommy!!!!" I hope it's still that way when they're 26! But for now, we've got the heartstrings tied nice and tight.
I've been thinking how I gain my kids' trust and this is my entrance...
Children's trust is given not gained. It can be destroyed, but for the most part, children--when loved by their parents--give their trust freely(not knowing any reasons to distrust). This is perhaps why the Lord says we should have the faith of a child. Trust and Faith are very closely tied. We have faith in ones that we trust. Without trust, there can be no faith.
So, how do I keep the trust of my children...I love them and the Lord. As we follow the Lord with all our heart, soul and mind, we give our children reasons to trust us and the Lord and less reasons to distrust.
Heartstrings are only tied in the Lord, otherwise, they come untied.
Silliness! When we are in a store and there's music playing, I dance around like we're the only people in there. Hannah loves to laugh and she loves to laugh at me! This might sound trivial, but I believe it's important. Even though silliness isn't an official "love language", it IS Hannah's #1 love language. It's a big deal to her and I think it helps us to have fun in stores instead of always being focused on her hurricane-like grabby-handedness.
Not just "quality time" but quantity time!! Much quantity time since most of the time I must be within earshot of my boys to catch any little needed training moments. We are almost always together since I am a SAHM who homeschools but lately the middle child (almost 5 years old) has been heard saying, "Mommy I haven't seen you all day." At first I was like, "What?! I've been with you ALLLLLL day long." What he was really saying was, "We didn't play much together today." So I try for much quality time in the midst of all the quantity time. Thankfully the boys love to "do school" so they think that that's bonding time as well.
I love spending time doing school, reading, playing, listening, responding. In all of these things I can see their little hearts being drawn in and Lord willing, drawn to their creator!
Among other things, I make sure that we do things together, by ourselves, every week. Each child has a day. The child whose day it is gets extra privileges and extra responsibilities.
They get to read, or help read the Scripture passage for the day.
They get to go with mom or dad alone if we make a trip to the store or somewhere.
They get to help with the cooking for the day, which they ALL love (and it doubles for home ec!).
They get to choose a book to read aloud in the evening.
They get the pick of the seats in the van.
They often get to choose what movie to watch, if we watch one.
They get to help any guest or friend who comes over with anything they need (it's a big deal around here...)
We play together a lot. I want them to remember me as a mom who loved to spend time with them and not the computer or TV or grown friends...
I suppose this is the most important...I pray for them and tell them that. I pray aloud for them throughout the day as needed. I thank the Lord for them aloud, and praise them in front of others. I always want them to know they are cherished.
I spend a lot of my days with my children sitting and chatting about almost everything,whatever is on their (or my) mind.I have a one night a week that I take a child out for ice cream or french fries or something.My bed also seems to be the late night hang out for more chatting!I also pray most nights with my few oldest children. Tina Frye
Wow! What a great topic, and such an important one too!
One thing that my children are always doing for me is coloring me little pictures or making me little cards. So when I get the chance I do the same for them. This not only helps to show them how much I value the time they spent on me, but it also gives them something to look at that says, "Hey, Mommy made this for me. And see, it says she loves me!". For instance, my 5 year old daughter LOVES tree frogs. So, when I found some tree frog pictures, I made a collage picture for her that she hung over her bed. They especially love this when I place a note on their beds for them to find at night-time.
One thing I think that is important for winning their hearts is to remember that each of your children is different, an individual. What speaks to one may not speak to another. My 6 year-old son loves when I will simply throw a toy football back and forth with him in the living room. (I know, we are uncoventional here, but it is a soft football and it has only recently gotten warm enough to spend much time outdoors poor boy!)That would mean nothing to my almost 8 year-old daughter however. For her, happiness is following me all over the house chatting and helping me as I do all of the things that have to be done. She says, "I have to learn how to do these things Mommy, for when I'm a Mommy and you are a Grandma!". When we are through, a cuddle on the couch with a book and her favorite stuffed elephant fills her "love tank" right up.
To tie heartstrings, I do little things. One thing my kids love is that I try *really* hard to remember minutiae-like details about their preferences. For example, I try to remember *exactly* the stage to which they like their bacon cooked (Okay, admittedly not important to all kids, but to one of mine--it's a big deal). Then I make sure to serve it to that child that way. Just because...not because he'll throw a fit if I don't (then I wouldn't) but because it blesses him and lets him know I *KNOW*.
I also make it a point to spend time in personal conversation and MAKE EYE CONTACT with each of my children several times a day. Doesn't sound like a huge deal, but when you really consider the logistics of raising many littles, that can be challenging.
I try to be a student of each of my children's personalities. *I* know what's going to bless, frustrate, teach, soothe, annoy, or belittle each of my children, and it's different for each one. I try to "speak" their language when I teach, discipline, or love on them.
We have family devotions every night. We pray together as a family at each meal (which is eaten together at the table) and at bedtime.
I take one or two children with me when I do errands, even though I'd really like to go by myself at times. I know they need that time with their momma. And, truthfully, I always end up glad I brought them with me. :)
Hi Ginger. I posted about your contest on my blog. I have enjoyed reading all of the ideas that are in so far about loving our children as God wants us to, and I look forward to reading more!
I am a new mama with a 5m old, so I am working now to tie heart/apron strings. Perhaps the highlight is our snuggling time. My little Euphemia love for me to snuggle and read the bible to her. She loves the words. We sing hymns too. She smiles so big when I sing, "One things needful, Lord this treasure." She loves when I lay on the floor with her moving her toy catepillar around. Our morning walks refresh us both. Emma (Euphemia) comes back so happy. Another way I like to tie heart strings with her is to make sure she has daddy time. It may seem oxymoronic but it is very important to me that she see's her parents as one being. One whole person. (the 2 shall be as 1).
I know I may seem so inexperiance and having it so easy with just one but I want to start these habbits now so that they will become a way of life. Being the eldest in a family of 11 has made such an impression on my family outlook and dh is the 3rd of 10 so we have a mutual understanding and "experiance" if you will of raising children. It is our goal to bring our children up in the Lord. To become arrows. We put so much into Euphemia (which is greek for "of good report" see Phil. 4:8) and hope that we will be blessed with more arrows that we can tie to our hearts with love and affection.
oh Ginger, great contest idea. Wonderful ideas from the comments so far.
Hmmm, one of the first things that came to my mind is when Shawn or I have one-on-one time with a child. But specifically, something our boys love is when hubby and I put the kids to bed (all share a room) but then later, we'll randomly pick one of them up to bring back to our bed to sleep between us. We usually wake him up and whisper and cuddle with him, then he sleeps between us and gets to wake up with us. It's not much but for some reason the boys absolutely love this. They each get tickled (yup, even the 9yr. old) when they are 'chosen' and they feel like they get both of us to themselves (even though they were sleeping)and they all still love the extra long cuddle time with both Mom and Dad.
Well Ginger, since you have called me on the carpet about entering I guess I will have to write something, huh? I think that your questions are 2 seperate ones; unless I don't fully understand what heartstrings are? 1) Tying heartstrings with your child and 2) what you do to gain their trust. Can you enlighten me a little before I answer?
How I tie heartstrings... 100 games of Hungry, Hungry Hippos 200 readings of Green Eggs and Ham 300 coloring pages printed and colored together 400 DOZEN cookies baked (several dozens of cookie dough spoonfuls snuck from the bowl) 500 viewings of High School Musical *with pop corn* 600 tissues given with hugs and bandaids 700 pushes on the swings 800 legos built and rebuilt...and rebuilt 900 Midnight rockings to cure sickness, scareness, and bad dreams 1000's of Hugs and Kisses And an infinative amount of "I love you" and "I am proud of you" said often.
Ok, I am ready :) How I tie heartstrings with my children... The biggest way is I have FUN with them. I dance around the kitchen when I am cooking, I make silly faces at them throughout the day to make them laugh, we have tickle fests together and many more things I couldn't take the time to write down. Because all of my children are adopted I realized early on that I would have to parent my children differently in the beginning than how I always thought I would. So, I hold them, ALOT, all the time, as much as I can, for as long as I can. More often than not you can find me with a child on my body. I wear them until they are 30 pounds and then my back can't take it anymore:). I hug them and kiss them many, many times a day, I tell them I love them in the middle of doing something important, I tell them each day how much I appreciate their help with things, I include them in everything that I am doing and make them feel like I couldn't do it without them. Each of my children have their own song that includes their name and the fact that I love them very much. Each one is sung to a different tune and has a variation of words but the premise is the same; letting my kids know that I love them. I sing this to them each night before bed as they snuggle down in their sheets with a sweet smile on their face. Each Friday is my errand day as my husband comes home that morning. Instead of going by myself (which would be really nice somedays) I choose a child to come with me. This is a big deal as they get to miss their nap! This is such a special time for me, and for them as well, to just talk about things that toddlers/preschoolers talk about and just learn more about my child without the competition of 5 other kids. And last but not least, I always say what I mean. My no means no and my yes means yes. My children can trust that if I tell them I won't do something, I won't do it!
For us it was not just wanting to tie heart strings it was needing to. We adopted all five of our children in 2006. Our oldest will soon be 11 and she needed to trust us more than anyone. She had lost a lot of her trust. I think the first thing we did was pull them out of school and begin homeschooling. Our family is together almost every day all day. While it can be hard and trying at times I think the benefits make up for it. I know my kids better than anyone (well except their Creator!). They know they can talk to me about anything...serious or silly. We make up stories together, we sing together, we dance together, we read together. While others are wishing their kids wanted to spend time with them Im enjoying the dream. Another thing we have just started is Sunday picnics. After church we will take a picnic to a park or museum or someplace. While I encourage my family to be homebodies sometimes it helps to get away. To not worry about cleaning the dishes or starting another load of laundry. This is how we make sure Sunday is a day or rest. If we are not home we won't be tempted to work.
I only have two children so I am able to spend lots of one on one time with them. I try to understand what helps them to feel loved. My daughter needs lots of physical affection. When she was still a toddler we taught her to say, "I need a hug!" so she could tell us what she needed. She still does it! I'm not a very affectionate person so I make an effort to try to do this with my daughter when I can.
My son likes to snuggle and talk. We do that lots too. I try to take walks with them and cook with them too. These are things I like and I can also teach them and build memories for all of us.
I think being able to say your are sorry when you make a mistake really ties your child closer to you. I also like to be able to spend time with them and make sure they know I think they are special.
Well, so many people left so many answers that were incredible and many things that I do as well.
One thing that is our favorite, hands down, is family worship time. Every night we all sit down for some praise songs, prayer and scripture reading and memorization. We talk about the songs and what they mean, the scripture and how we apply it and during prayer we share things for which we want forgiveness and we share ways we saw the Lord throughout the day. Then list some requests and pray for them. We spend some quiet time listening in every prayer. Even if the babies start talking or get up to walk away, we are still quiet. At the end we say AMEN! And the babies laugh and say Amen too! It's the best time and a great way to end a day and start our sleep!
I think adopting from foster care it makes it even more important to tie those heartstrings. My dh and I make sure to have special one on one time with each of our children every week. My dh likes to take them out to breakfast. I like to go for a walk. As my older children have become teens it is harder. Between home schooling and working. However I try to take time with the older kids when the toddlers are in bed for the night.
My husband and I try to always walk alongside our children honestly. This means that when we fail, which is often, we admit it, we ask forgiveness, and we immediately begin work on that area, so that they may see what we require of them is also what we require of ourselves. What a great contest- thank you!
This is something that I know I need to work harder on. I love my little boys so much, but daily life gets in the way of sitting down on the floor and playing with them more than I do. Some things I have decided to do since they were babies, is sing to them often, and form that bond with them that Mama and them sing together. I also read to them a lot, and try and snuggle, hug, and them how much I love them. I also instill in them a desire to be men, and tell them what wonderful gentlemen they are being.
I try and give when I am tired. My four year old asks for stories all the time, and when my brain is to tired to think of one, I say "I'll sing you a song right now instead" so at least I am still giving something to him.
Each of my children has different needs and desires. I do my best to "learn" them and what speaks "I love you" to them. My youngest loves to read books... one daughter likes to do projects together... our older son likes to share his computer projects while his brother prefers time for his outdoor projects. We give individual time as we can, but often group or family time is where we really share... playing games, watching and discussing a movie, family study and devotion times, sharing meals, running errands together, attending our sons' soccer games as a family... From the time we greet each child with a "Good morning"... throughout the day... and as we wind down at night... the goal is to love and encourage one another as we seek the Lord together.
Have gentle births. Nurse them. Sleep with them. Gaze into their eyes. Snuggle them. Listen to their dreams. Easy their fears. Spend time with them. Homeschool them. Work at the dance academy with them. Learn about our Lord with them. Pray with them. Talk with them. i choose my family over all other things.....except God himself...and they KNOW that. There is no where that I would rather be then with my babies and my husband.
What do you do to gain their trust?
I believe by tying their heart strings and being honest with them, trust comes naturally. :)
My children are only 8, 6, 3, and 1..so I have alot to still learn. But I pray that the Lord will continue to guide me in this area.
The giveaway is over! And we have a winner!
42 comments:
I was number 20000 and 20001
Woo Hoo
Wow! What a contest!
I really try to get into to who each child is. Spending time one-on-one with each child. Doing things like playing games because it's their favorite even though I can't stand games. Letting them venture out on experiments and believing in them that they can make it happen even when my experience says that it can't possibly work. Being there when things fail with open arms and compassion rather than an "I told you so".
Saying no. It sounds contradictory to what society would say. But I believe saying no ties heartstrings. It provides a safe boundary for them to count on and to flourish in.
Whenever possible say yes!
I believe that we gain their trust by being trustworthy. With their physical and emotional well beings.
Model healthy relationship. If we bond, attach and pour our ourselves into them then love always wins out.
No labor of love is in vain.
I Corinthians 13
Touch
I am the loviest, huggiest, kissiest, tickliest mom I've ever known. From birth I kiss my babies every time I pick them up.
Then about the time they can crawl out of bed by themselves, when we're together my hands are on them.
With the twins, I always run my hands through their curly hair.
With Claire I tickle her and then she begs for more.
We hold hands everywhere we go. Not for safety reasons, but because the kids want to. They love to hold my hand--I think because they're so accustomed to being touched that they desire it all the more.
I did a little test to see what my kids would say. The question, "If you could be with any person in the world right now, who would it be?" The answer, a unanimous, "Mommy!!!!" I hope it's still that way when they're 26! But for now, we've got the heartstrings tied nice and tight.
Pick me! -- Jody
I've been thinking how I gain my kids' trust and this is my entrance...
Children's trust is given not gained. It can be destroyed, but for the most part, children--when loved by their parents--give their trust freely(not knowing any reasons to distrust). This is perhaps why the Lord says we should have the faith of a child. Trust and Faith are very closely tied. We have faith in ones that we trust. Without trust, there can be no faith.
So, how do I keep the trust of my children...I love them and the Lord. As we follow the Lord with all our heart, soul and mind, we give our children reasons to trust us and the Lord and less reasons to distrust.
Heartstrings are only tied in the Lord, otherwise, they come untied.
Silliness! When we are in a store and there's music playing, I dance around like we're the only people in there. Hannah loves to laugh and she loves to laugh at me! This might sound trivial, but I believe it's important. Even though silliness isn't an official "love language", it IS Hannah's #1 love language. It's a big deal to her and I think it helps us to have fun in stores instead of always being focused on her hurricane-like grabby-handedness.
TIME
Not just "quality time" but quantity time!! Much quantity time since most of the time I must be within earshot of my boys to catch any little needed training moments. We are almost always together since I am a SAHM who homeschools but lately the middle child (almost 5 years old) has been heard saying, "Mommy I haven't seen you all day." At first I was like, "What?! I've been with you ALLLLLL day long." What he was really saying was, "We didn't play much together today."
So I try for much quality time in the midst of all the quantity time. Thankfully the boys love to "do school" so they think that that's bonding time as well.
time, time, time!
I love spending time doing school, reading, playing, listening, responding. In all of these things I can see their little hearts being drawn in and Lord willing, drawn to their creator!
Dianna
Among other things, I make sure that we do things together, by ourselves, every week. Each child has a day. The child whose day it is gets extra privileges and extra responsibilities.
They get to read, or help read the Scripture passage for the day.
They get to go with mom or dad alone if we make a trip to the store or somewhere.
They get to help with the cooking for the day, which they ALL love (and it doubles for home ec!).
They get to choose a book to read aloud in the evening.
They get the pick of the seats in the van.
They often get to choose what movie to watch, if we watch one.
They get to help any guest or friend who comes over with anything they need (it's a big deal around here...)
We play together a lot. I want them to remember me as a mom who loved to spend time with them and not the computer or TV or grown friends...
I suppose this is the most important...I pray for them and tell them that. I pray aloud for them throughout the day as needed. I thank the Lord for them aloud, and praise them in front of others. I always want them to know they are cherished.
Good idea for a contest, Ginger!
It's posted on my blog for that second entry!
I spend a lot of my days with my children sitting and chatting about almost everything,whatever is on their (or my) mind.I have a one night a week that I take a child out for ice cream or french fries or something.My bed also seems to be the late night hang out for more chatting!I also pray most nights with my few oldest children.
Tina Frye
Wow! What a great topic, and such an important one too!
One thing that my children are always doing for me is coloring me little pictures or making me little cards. So when I get the chance I do the same for them. This not only helps to show them how much I value the time they spent on me, but it also gives them something to look at that says, "Hey, Mommy made this for me. And see, it says she loves me!". For instance, my 5 year old daughter LOVES tree frogs. So, when I found some tree frog pictures, I made a collage picture for her that she hung over her bed. They especially love this when I place a note on their beds for them to find at night-time.
One thing I think that is important for winning their hearts is to remember that each of your children is different, an individual. What speaks to one may not speak to another. My 6 year-old son loves when I will simply throw a toy football back and forth with him in the living room. (I know, we are uncoventional here, but it is a soft football and it has only recently gotten warm enough to spend much time outdoors poor boy!)That would mean nothing to my almost 8 year-old daughter however. For her, happiness is following me all over the house chatting and helping me as I do all of the things that have to be done. She says, "I have to learn how to do these things Mommy, for when I'm a Mommy and you are a Grandma!". When we are through, a cuddle on the couch with a book and her favorite stuffed elephant fills her "love tank" right up.
Ginger ,I put a link to your drawing on my blog.
Tina Frye
http://dragonfryes.blogspot.com
To tie heartstrings, I do little things. One thing my kids love is that I try *really* hard to remember minutiae-like details about their preferences. For example, I try to remember *exactly* the stage to which they like their bacon cooked (Okay, admittedly not important to all kids, but to one of mine--it's a big deal). Then I make sure to serve it to that child that way. Just because...not because he'll throw a fit if I don't (then I wouldn't) but because it blesses him and lets him know I *KNOW*.
I also make it a point to spend time in personal conversation and MAKE EYE CONTACT with each of my children several times a day. Doesn't sound like a huge deal, but when you really consider the logistics of raising many littles, that can be challenging.
I try to be a student of each of my children's personalities. *I* know what's going to bless, frustrate, teach, soothe, annoy, or belittle each of my children, and it's different for each one. I try to "speak" their language when I teach, discipline, or love on them.
We have family devotions every night. We pray together as a family at each meal (which is eaten together at the table) and at bedtime.
I take one or two children with me when I do errands, even though I'd really like to go by myself at times. I know they need that time with their momma. And, truthfully, I always end up glad I brought them with me. :)
Hi Ginger. I posted about your contest on my blog. I have enjoyed reading all of the ideas that are in so far about loving our children as God wants us to, and I look forward to reading more!
Ginger,
I also put a link to your contest on my blog. Here's the link.
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/leastofthese/497174/
I am a new mama with a 5m old, so I am working now to tie heart/apron strings.
Perhaps the highlight is our snuggling time. My little Euphemia love for me to snuggle and read the bible to her. She loves the words. We sing hymns too. She smiles so big when I sing, "One things needful, Lord this treasure."
She loves when I lay on the floor with her moving her toy catepillar around. Our morning walks refresh us both. Emma (Euphemia) comes back so happy.
Another way I like to tie heart strings with her is to make sure she has daddy time. It may seem oxymoronic but it is very important to me that she see's her parents as one being. One whole person. (the 2 shall be as 1).
I know I may seem so inexperiance and having it so easy with just one but I want to start these habbits now so that they will become a way of life. Being the eldest in a family of 11 has made such an impression on my family outlook and dh is the 3rd of 10 so we have a mutual understanding and "experiance" if you will of raising children.
It is our goal to bring our children up in the Lord. To become arrows. We put so much into Euphemia (which is greek for "of good report" see Phil. 4:8) and hope that we will be blessed with more arrows that we can tie to our hearts with love and affection.
Challice
POsted about your blog here
http://sodbusters.wordpress.com/2008/03/12/another-blog-contest-vf-gift-certificate/
oh Ginger, great contest idea.
Wonderful ideas from the comments so far.
Hmmm, one of the first things that came to my mind is when Shawn or I have one-on-one time with a child. But specifically, something our boys love is when hubby and I put the kids to bed (all share a room) but then later, we'll randomly pick one of them up to bring back to our bed to sleep between us. We usually wake him up and whisper and cuddle with him, then he sleeps between us and gets to wake up with us. It's not much but for some reason the boys absolutely love this. They each get tickled (yup, even the 9yr. old) when they are 'chosen' and they feel like they get both of us to themselves (even though they were sleeping)and they all still love the extra long cuddle time with both Mom and Dad.
Well Ginger, since you have called me on the carpet about entering I guess I will have to write something, huh? I think that your questions are 2 seperate ones; unless I don't fully understand what heartstrings are? 1) Tying heartstrings with your child and 2) what you do to gain their trust.
Can you enlighten me a little before I answer?
Faith, in my opinion they are the same question reworded, but if you disagree, I'd love to hear your two-part reply! :)
There's no wrong answer.
How I tie heartstrings...
100 games of Hungry, Hungry Hippos
200 readings of Green Eggs and Ham
300 coloring pages printed and colored together
400 DOZEN cookies baked (several dozens of cookie dough spoonfuls snuck from the bowl)
500 viewings of High School Musical *with pop corn*
600 tissues given with hugs and bandaids
700 pushes on the swings
800 legos built and rebuilt...and rebuilt
900 Midnight rockings to cure sickness, scareness, and bad dreams
1000's of Hugs and Kisses
And an infinative amount of "I love you" and "I am proud of you" said often.
Hi, I posted on my blog for another entry.
Thanks
Ok, I am ready :) How I tie heartstrings with my children... The biggest way is I have FUN with them. I dance around the kitchen when I am cooking, I make silly faces at them throughout the day to make them laugh, we have tickle fests together and many more things I couldn't take the time to write down.
Because all of my children are adopted I realized early on that I would have to parent my children differently in the beginning than how I always thought I would. So, I hold them, ALOT, all the time, as much as I can, for as long as I can. More often than not you can find me with a child on my body. I wear them until they are 30 pounds and then my back can't take it anymore:).
I hug them and kiss them many, many times a day, I tell them I love them in the middle of doing something important, I tell them each day how much I appreciate their help with things, I include them in everything that I am doing and make them feel like I couldn't do it without them.
Each of my children have their own song that includes their name and the fact that I love them very much. Each one is sung to a different tune and has a variation of words but the premise is the same; letting my kids know that I love them. I sing this to them each night before bed as they snuggle down in their sheets with a sweet smile on their face.
Each Friday is my errand day as my husband comes home that morning. Instead of going by myself (which would be really nice somedays) I choose a child to come with me. This is a big deal as they get to miss their nap! This is such a special time for me, and for them as well, to just talk about things that toddlers/preschoolers talk about and just learn more about my child without the competition of 5 other kids.
And last but not least, I always say what I mean. My no means no and my yes means yes. My children can trust that if I tell them I won't do something, I won't do it!
I posted on my blog for the second entry.
For us it was not just wanting to tie heart strings it was needing to. We adopted all five of our children in 2006. Our oldest will soon be 11 and she needed to trust us more than anyone. She had lost a lot of her trust.
I think the first thing we did was pull them out of school and begin homeschooling. Our family is together almost every day all day. While it can be hard and trying at times I think the benefits make up for it. I know my kids better than anyone (well except their Creator!). They know they can talk to me about anything...serious or silly. We make up stories together, we sing together, we dance together, we read together. While others are wishing their kids wanted to spend time with them Im enjoying the dream.
Another thing we have just started is Sunday picnics. After church we will take a picnic to a park or museum or someplace. While I encourage my family to be homebodies sometimes it helps to get away. To not worry about cleaning the dishes or starting another load of laundry. This is how we make sure Sunday is a day or rest. If we are not home we won't be tempted to work.
I linked to the contest on my blog. Thanks for this!
I only have two children so I am able to spend lots of one on one time with them. I try to understand what helps them to feel loved. My daughter needs lots of physical affection. When she was still a toddler we taught her to say, "I need a hug!" so she could tell us what she needed. She still does it! I'm not a very affectionate person so I make an effort to try to do this with my daughter when I can.
My son likes to snuggle and talk. We do that lots too. I try to take walks with them and cook with them too. These are things I like and I can also teach them and build memories for all of us.
I just posted a link on my blog too! www.praiseworthythings.blogspot.com
I think being able to say your are sorry when you make a mistake really ties your child closer to you. I also like to be able to spend time with them and make sure they know I think they are special.
Well, so many people left so many answers that were incredible and many things that I do as well.
One thing that is our favorite, hands down, is family worship time. Every night we all sit down for some praise songs, prayer and scripture reading and memorization. We talk about the songs and what they mean, the scripture and how we apply it and during prayer we share things for which we want forgiveness and we share ways we saw the Lord throughout the day. Then list some requests and pray for them. We spend some quiet time listening in every prayer. Even if the babies start talking or get up to walk away, we are still quiet. At the end we say AMEN! And the babies laugh and say Amen too!
It's the best time and a great way to end a day and start our sleep!
What a great post!
Katy
What do I do to tie heartstrings with my children?
I let them know who is boss. I let them know I am in control and will keep them safe.
When I go places, I usually take a couple kids so we can have some dad time.
On their birthdays I take them out to eat or something else fun, like fishing or hiking.
I think adopting from foster care it makes it even more important to tie those heartstrings. My dh and I make sure to have special one on one time with each of our children every week. My dh likes to take them out to breakfast. I like to go for a walk. As my older children have become teens it is harder. Between home schooling and working. However I try to take time with the older kids when the toddlers are in bed for the night.
My husband and I try to always walk alongside our children honestly. This means that when we fail, which is often, we admit it, we ask forgiveness, and we immediately begin work on that area, so that they may see what we require of them is also what we require of ourselves.
What a great contest- thank you!
What a neat contest!
This is something that I know I need to work harder on. I love my little boys so much, but daily life gets in the way of sitting down on the floor and playing with them more than I do. Some things I have decided to do since they were babies, is sing to them often, and form that bond with them that Mama and them sing together. I also read to them a lot, and try and snuggle, hug, and them how much I love them. I also instill in them a desire to be men, and tell them what wonderful gentlemen they are being.
I try and give when I am tired. My four year old asks for stories all the time, and when my brain is to tired to think of one, I say "I'll sing you a song right now instead" so at least I am still giving something to him.
Each of my children has different needs and desires. I do my best to "learn" them and what speaks "I love you" to them. My youngest loves to read books... one daughter likes to do projects together... our older son likes to share his computer projects while his brother prefers time for his outdoor projects. We give individual time as we can, but often group or family time is where we really share... playing games, watching and discussing a movie, family study and devotion times, sharing meals, running errands together, attending our sons' soccer games as a family... From the time we greet each child with a "Good morning"... throughout the day... and as we wind down at night... the goal is to love and encourage one another as we seek the Lord together.
I got it on my blog finally!
How do you tie heartstrings with your children?
Have gentle births. Nurse them. Sleep with them. Gaze into their eyes. Snuggle them. Listen to their dreams. Easy their fears. Spend time with them. Homeschool them. Work at the dance academy with them. Learn about our Lord with them. Pray with them. Talk with them. i choose my family over all other things.....except God himself...and they KNOW that. There is no where that I would rather be then with my babies and my husband.
What do you do to gain their trust?
I believe by tying their heart strings and being honest with them, trust comes naturally. :)
My children are only 8, 6, 3, and 1..so I have alot to still learn. But I pray that the Lord will continue to guide me in this area.
God bless...Angela
I can't figure out how to link the graphic. :(
So, who won, Ginger? :)
Alright, alright, I'm late! I'm sorry! Let's make it a Happy Easter present for someone. We'll do the drawing tomorrow.
Time spent--talking, explaining, teaching, reading, walking and talking. I think both quantity and quality time are SO important.
In Christ, Laura
CONGRATULATIONS, FAITH! What a great surprise for you this Resurrection Day!
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