Whenever Kyle cuts the boys' hair, I always have him do a mohawk first. I think it's hilarious.
Step 1: Wrap a Peptobismol pink towel around the victim. (Someone actually gave me a set of four of these as a graduation gift. My dorm room was decorated blue and red. However, these towels may well be the longest lastest graduation gift I received.)
Step 2: Rev up the clippers. Every once in a while, gasp and say: "Oh nuts!!" Then calmly add: "Oh well, it's just hair."
Step 3: Trim the left side, then the right side, but leave the middle well enough alone.
Step 4: Inspect the cut to make sure it's even. Frown so everyone present will know how serious you take this.
Step 5: Despite your better judgment, obey your teenage brother, unbutton your shirt, and pose like the Mr. T you look like. Wait a minute, you need a bunch of bling on that hairless chest of yours. Oh well, maybe next time.