Monday, March 9, 2009

Disappointment

Thank you so much, Shannon! These tiny roses bless me everytime I look at them.


We lost the baby.

Friday, my midwife ordered a sonogram, so Kyle took me to the appointment. I was numb as I left the office and we both immediately started talking about having to tell the kids. That's when I cried. I couldn't handle the thought of having my children disappointed in this way.
Kyle gathered the four big kids and told them. Maya started bawling immediately. We knew she would. Then Elena broke down and cried on my shoulder for a long time. Isaac quickly busied himself washing dishes. Chloe watched everyone's responses with a stoic countenance. Then she started talking about what we were going to do that night.
I am hopeful that this will be a growing experience for my children, spiritually. I am praying that they will learn to lean on God in their sadness, and realize how trustworthy and merciful He is. He is faithful; He is my comfort.


P.S. For those who were concerned about White Willow Bark, I didn't take it while pregnant, but the baby stopped growing 3 weeks ago anyway.














35 comments:

Stacy said...

Ginger,

My heart is breaking for you! I wish I had words that could heal the pain you are feeling, both physically & emotionally. My mind longs to understand such things. But please know that I am thinking about you, and praying for you and your family!! I am blessed to have you in my life. Please, please let me know if there is anything at all that you need. Help with an errand, a meal, for me to take the kids (4...10, what's the difference here?) -- anything at all. Love ya!

Becky said...

I am so sorry Ginger. I have been where you are, and I know only God's grace got me through. I am praying for you and your family.

Vicki Miller said...

Ginger, I am so sorry for you Kyle and the kids. We will pray for your family and the kids hearts. I love you and will be thinking about you today!!!

Angela said...

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your little one. I will be praying for the "peace that passeth all understanding" in your heart and your home.
Angela

debhmom3 said...

If only words could help...I am so broken for you. Know you and Kyle and the children are surrounded with love and prayers...

Ginger said...

Actually, Debbie, words help more than you could know. Words of Encouragement is my love language. ;)

Lee said...

Oh Ginger - I'm so sorry. I have been there too and it is so very painful. I will be praying for you and your family as you grieve for this precious little one.

Lori in KY said...

Ginger, I am so sorry to hear about your little one. Yes, your children will watch you hurt and continue to lean on Jesus and they will learn from you that He is faithful and good...even when we don't understand why He allows things that hurt us so. Blessed be the name of the Lord. I'll be praying for you this afternoon--peace and comfort.

TeamBettendorf said...

Oh no!! I'm so sorry!!

The Sexton Family said...

I am so sorry Ginger. I have been there and it is definately a difficult time. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

MotherOfBlessings said...

Ginger I am so very for your loss.

Meg said...

I am sad for you and your family and the loss you must all be feeling. May the God of all comfort wrap His loving arms around every one of you and bring peace through your tears. You are in my prayers.
Love in Christ,
Meg in OZ

Sherrie said...

Ginger,


May God heal your heart and the hearts of your children in the loss of this precious child.

rachel said...

Terribly sorry! My heart aches for you.
Rachel

Rachel Marie said...

I am so sorry. I will pray for you and your husband and children.

Sonya Day said...

Ginger, I've no idea what I could possibly say to encourage, but I'm praying God will speak to all of you. So sorry for your loss and I understand how hard it must be for the kids. I pray that He comforts each of you and brings you through this as a stronger family.

Dana said...

I'm so sorry for this heartbreaking loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Laura said...

I am so sorry to hear this Ginger! I pray healing and peace. Take it easy.. (I have been there too)

Jenni said...

Ginger,

I am so sorry!

Father God,
Please be with the Clark family during this time in an amazing way. Let them feel your strong loving arms pick them up and hold them tight. Rain your blessings and mercy upon them abundantly. In your name I pray, Amen.

Ginger, I wish that we did not live so far apart and there were some way I could be helpful to you. *hugs* Please let me know if you need a friend to talk to.

The Herd said...

I don't know Jenni, but wow...that was a prayer that I say amen to for you.
Ginger, may you and your family be refreshed in Him even through this valley. I am so sorry that this happened.

heartchild said...

I too am so sorry. Each child is so precious and I am sorry for your loss. May peace and comfort be yours today and tomorrow and the next day and the next...

Love,
Angie

Christa W. said...

Ginger,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. (((HUGS)))

Christa

Dustinsdreamer said...

I'm so very sad for you and your family. I am keeping you all in my prayers. :(

Chas said...

Ginger...
I am SO sorry.
Praying for you.
Love,
Chas

Tracy said...

Kyle, Ginger and all the kids,
Were so sorry to hear about your little one, we too have been through this and are so sad for you all.
We love you guys and pray Gods blessing on you all during this time of loss.
We'll be praying for you. Hope that your are well physically.
Tracy

dkt said...

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss, may God grant to you all that you and your children need during this time.

Robin said...

I am so sorry.

Kidcraze said...

I'm sorry Ginger.
Losing a wee one is such a dark valley and it never makes sense.
Praying for comfort for each of you as you grieve and heal.

It's sad that there are so many of us in this secret sorority of women who've traveled this path.

MommaofMany said...

(((hugs))) Ginger, I have been there twice, in anguish that only the Lord can heal. Keep close to Him. This severe mercy will never make sense on this Earth. Rest in Him.

Nealy said...

As a mom yourself, you know how much it hurts you to see your child hurting. My heart aches for you, but I'm so grateful that you know God's love and mercy. It's such a comfort for me to know you are trusting in Him. I love you with all my heart.
Mom

A Mama Story said...

Ginger, honey, I am so sorry to hear this! We just returned home late Sunday night and I've only now been able to settle down and catch up with the blogs. I feel terrible that I didn't check sooner.

We'll be praying for you and your family. Y'all have such a heart for children, and I know this is heartbreaking.

We're all thinking of you, sweetie!
Liz

SeƱora Smith said...

Ginger,

I just heard the sad news from Allison; oh, my heart aches for you! Know that our church is lifting your family in our prayers.

A friend passed along this poem to me a couple of years ago, and it's message is something I return to from time to time. I know this makes for a long comment, but I wanted to share it with you.

"Wait" by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said,"Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to Wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still "Wait".

Shell said...

Oh Ginger, I just seen this, I haven't been online for a while. I'm so very sorry about the baby. I know you've been longing for a little for a while. My God bless you again soon.

I pray you and you family are blessed with abundant comfort from the Lord.

All our love and care,
Shell and family

Angela said...

I am so sorry Ginger. I don't know what to say. ((((hug)))) Praying for you and your family.

God bless,
Angela

Jubilee said...

Oh, Ginger, I'm so sorry for you! I have been crazy busy and haven't read your (or anyone's) blog in a couple of months. I didn't even realize you were pregnant! I can't imagine the pain you are feeling but I know my Jesus holds you in His arms. I pray this will be a precious time of faith and healing for your family.

"The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
The Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace." Num 6:24-26

Julie