Thursday, October 14, 2010

What Are You Waiting For?

We have seen several young people date the same person for years, waiting until they finish college, or until they are "old enough" to marry. (I'll leave the failures of the dating system for another post. Right now, I'm focusing on the waiting and waiting and waiting to marry.)
If they aren't mature enough to marry, why are they considered old enough and mature enough to date? If a guy doesn't even pay his own car insurance, why is he considered ready to hunt for a marriage partner? If a girl doesn't know how to cook or plan a menu, why is she considered ready to start searching for a good husband?

If one of our children finds a suitable spouse when they are 19, we will not encourage them to wait, nor will we encourage a long engagement. If, on the other hand, one of our children is not ready to marry, based on maturity, we will discourage them from courting anyone.
[I should preface this with the fact that we are preparing our children for marriage already. Isaac mows the lawn, takes out the trash, and opens jars for me ;). Maya knows how to cook more than half of the meals on our rotating menu. I am now her Sous Chef.]

Waiting to marry when you've already found the right future-spouse is setting yourself up for moral failure. King David fell into sexual sin. The mighty Samson fell into sexual sin. King Solomon fell into sexual sin. I'm not naive enough to think my children are stronger than these.


Penny said...

Excellent post Ginger! I totally agree.

mommy4 said...

i couln't agree with you more. tino and i got married as soon as i graduated high school. it's been the best decision ever. i do encourage my children to marry young, like you i'm training these kids to serve and be a spouse, it's an easy thing to teach, yet so forgotten. i was never taught and i know now how important it is.

MommaofMany said...

I agree, too. I met my husband when we were 15 years old. We didn't get married until we were twenty-three, though. We were encouraged to live together by our MOTHERS as soon as we graduated from high school! :Sheesh: My children will be encouraged to marry when they have found someone the Lord is calling them to be with.

Faith said...

I, too, agree. Jonah and I met in October, began our courtship in December, engaged in February and married in June. We would have gotten married sooner(we were virgins, afterall;) ) but I was teaching at the time(in So Cal) and would be moving to Nor Cal after the wedding but wanted to finish out the year. We got married the week after I finished teaching and people thought we were crazy! From their perspective we hardly knew each other! However, we spent hours writing letters to one another and I really think that brought our relationship to a deeper level than what most "couples" consider a date nowadays. We got down to the nitty gritty quickly:) We must have done something right because I think our marriage is pretty awesome.
I will also encourage my children to marry as soon as they are responsible enough to do so. We already talk to our boys about saving money for a house, etc. and encourage our girls to think about jobs they can do from home if/when they get married.
One of my concerns is that they won't be able to find likeminded young people. We have friends who are having a hard time wondering where God is going to be bringing their marriage-age daughter's spouses from. We only have 3 families close to us who are likeminded about courtship. I guess all I can do is pray!

shipra said...

really thought provoking post, Ginger. Thanks for sharing. I've been thinking about the whole dating thing and my thoughts on it lately and this is a great perspective