Friday, November 28, 2008

Thanksgiving Tears

Last night, when we arrived home from the Thanksgiving festivities with the Clarks, Maya and Isaac got out of the car crying. Surprised, I asked: What's wrong?

I . . .miss. . .my. . .mom.

I think the holiday season elicited some strong emotions in my Liberians. So, we prayed for Nan, their birthmom, and all wrote her a letter. Elena wrote this super sweet note:

Dear Nan,

This is from Elena, Maya's sister. Maya and Isaac miss you. And Daniel can ride a bike with no training wheels. I know you mite note believe it. He can even ride a big bike with no training wheels. Isn't that amazing. And I wish I could see your face. Maya says your beatyful.

Love, Elena

Since I know a lot of my readers are adoptive moms, I gotta ask: What do you do when your little adoptee has these emotional moments? How do you comfort them?


Heather said...

Ginger, I have tears. You blessed me this morning with that.

I have 3 little ones in foster care under age 2, so we haven't dealt with this yet. My almost 2-year old will be adopted by his aunt/uncle, moving to them maybe before Christmas. I know that this is meant to be for him, but I do worry intensely over how he is going to adjust to leaving us. We are his first real family!

I have a great relationship with his extended birth family, and also my baby turning 1 this week, we have a relationship with his birth family. They are throwing him a bday party tomorrow! I am very curious to see the responses you get, because it will be of help to me, I am sure, in the future.

Blessings to you. What a heart warmer Elena's letter was for me! It is amazing how love for children brings so many families together.

Anonymous said...

Alot like you did. I think about my birth children and how they would feel so far from me and it helps me to grieve what my adopted children must feel. So we pray for their birth families and try to always respond gently and positively.

Sherrie Duval

The Herd said...

I think that what you do when they have those moments are perfect! Prayer is healing on both ends!
Love your good cry---love love love those pics!!! --in the next post. Lydia doesn't look upset, just calm!
Go Kyle for being a great dad and saving the day in this way. I really like the pics! They are precious!

Faith said...

I give them a hug, tell them I love them and that we should pray for their birthparents. We do and they usually feel better. It is so important for them not to feel like missing them will let YOU down, as if they don't love you enough.

MommaofMany said...

I asked my oldest adoptee, who is the only one that would have any memory of his birthmom, about this. He said he used to miss her, but not anymore. He did cry a bit for the first few months he was here, on and off, but then, no more. We pray for her sometimes, and he said he was comfortable with not really mentioning her at all. He said he really doesn't think of her at all. He wasn't really all that attached to her, since he spent a lot of time with whoever would watch him, but has no attachment problems, thank God!

Ginger said...

Maya has very fond memories of her mother. They were very close. I wish we had a picture of her.

heartchild said...

We have had this kind of a situation only a couple of times. We have just held them while they cried and let them talk freely. We want to let them know that we are very comfortable talking about it and not threatened at all.

I think you did a great job handling it!

alice said...

Hi Ginger,

We have some emotional moments with our adoptees too, although they are a bit different, as all our children came to us as babies and we have no info about their birth parents. I don't think I would do anything differently than you did! We let them cry, affirm that it IS sad, pray together for their birth families, especially that we will see them in heaven someday. We also talk a lot about how God takes things that are sad and turns them into blessings. Not that we never feel sad about those things, but that God cares for us through those circumstances and brings good out of them.